Thuli Madonsela to Investigate Zuma’s Virility: Can It Still Stand Up?

He has 4 wives, 21 children and counting. His wives alone cost taxpayers a shocking R54.6 million, while his children are busy crashing government funded luxury cars and killing people in the process. To add salt to injury, his rented uncles are currently ‘in talks’ about him taking the fifth wife.

In light of this, the DA has lodged a formal complaint to the Office of the Public Protector. Admittedly, their request is the most bizarre (if not thee most ludicrous) of them all: For Thuli Madonsela to investigate President Jacob Zuma’s virility.

“… Given his age and deteriorating health, the DA would like to establish, once and for all, if it’s necessary for the president of the republic, the honorable Jacob Zuma, to have these many wives, let alone take on the fifth one,” the official complaint read in part.

“… As biology dictates, we are of a firm belief that a man of his age is susceptible to physical challenges, these includes inevitable testosterone and sexually related hurdles. As such, we feel his wives have become white elephants, therefore an unnecessary burden to taxpayers,” the complaint further elaborated.

The complaint went on to say: “To lessen this unnecessary burden of over R54.6m taking care of these white elephants, the DA therefore requests the public protector to investigate president Jacob Zuma’s virility, particularly to establish, amongst other things, whether;

a). The honorable President Jacob Zuma is able to fulfill his manly duties as a husband,

b). The honorable President Jacob Zuma is sexually fit to marry wife number five and,

c). Make a recommendation on whether the honorable President Jacob Zuma should cut down on the number of his current wives or not

“It is naturally, physically, psychologically and spiritually known that for any couple to be classified as having a healthy marriage, sexually related action should take place. If such physical action no longer exist, then such a couple can no longer be classified as happily married, but rather emotionally and/or financially dependent on either party.

“We, as the DA, strongly feel that this issue is crucial and should be of public interest in that this country, particularly tax payers, are clothing, transporting and housing the president’s immediate family members to the tune of R54.6m.

“Should the investigation reveal that the honorable president Jacob Zuma is unable to fulfill his bedroom duties as a husband, then logic dictates it is thus pointless for him to have so many wives, and perhaps sticking to wife number one and cutting all ties with the rest might be a strategic and economic way forward….”

The DA has shockingly requested the public protector to send president Jacob Zuma to a Urology clinic for his virility to be analysed accordingly. This includes assessing any erectile dysfunction, penis size, whether the president is circumcised or not, low ejaculation issues, how long does his sexual performance last etc.

Thuli Madonsela’s office has confirmed receipt of what they dub a strange and controversial case yet, after Nkandla.

“Much as we welcome every complaint, it is important to note that every case will be scrutinized according to its own merit. This particular case borders between the infringement of a human’s right to privacy and dignity, and the issue of public interest, particularly because in this instance, taxpayers’ money is being used. Should we take a decision to pursue this matter, members of the media will be promptly informed,” read an email response from Thuli Madonsela.

Presidential spokesman, Mac Maharaj, refused to comment on the matter.

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