JOHANNESBURG – The late Dr. Nelson Mandela once uttered the idea of forming the world’s first political church, but following rife criticism by well respected men of the cloth, this idea went belly-up, indefinitely.
Today, six feet under and many full moons later, Tata’s ill-fated dream may soon be resuscitated. According to an ongoing investigation by the Sunday Time, very productive back-and-forth meetings have been [secretly] held between prominent leaders of the ANC and the National Council of Churches, the key agenda being the formation of a new political church affectionately named ANCC (or African National Congress Church).
The core objective of the ANCC, as furnished on its constitution, will be “to fulfill the spiritual needs of ANC’s staunch supporters while spreading the gospel through politics”. It is alleged that the new church will most likely be build in Soweto, with smaller satellite branches to mushroom across South Africa. The newly ordained priest and SABC boss, Hlaudi ‘Matricless’ Motsoeneng, is said to be the most likely candidate for the bishophood seat.
If that is not shocking enough, insiders claim that the next five years will see the birth of “Brand ANC”, which will ultimately steer the ANC from being just a political party, to being an “economic party” laced under a holding company.
“This is actually true. I can confirm that I have attended presentations where proposals ranging from having an ANC airline, ANC franchised restaurants and ANC department stores were pitched,” said an impeccable source within Luthuli House, who pleaded anonymity for fear of being reduced to a laughable portfolio like Pravin Gordhan.
The source added; “The ANCC will be the next big thing after ZCC. With our colors being black, green and gold, you will be forgiven for confusing our church attire for that of the ZCC.”
Another highly placed source claimed that following the DA/EFF television Ad furor, the ruling party even flirted with the egocentric idea of changing SABC to ANCBC (African National Congress Broadcasting Corporation), but the bulldozing concept was shot down by industry regulators, ICASA and BCCSA.
The ANC is no stranger to political lobbying in churches. In fact, a leaked financial audit dictates that almost thirty percent of the party’s recent voting campaign budget was spend on church campaigning, while the remaining percentage was blown on things like branding luxury cars, throwing lavish parties and paying prostitutes for “services rendered”.
When pressed for comment, ANC’s newly appointed spin doctor, Zizi Kodwa, said an official statement will only be released when the time is right, and once all loose ends have been tightened up, indicative that there’s some kernel of truth to the ANC church rumor.
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