BREAKING NEWS: National Police Commissioner Suspended For Being Born A Man

(PIC) SA national police commissioner, Bra Victor Phiyega

(PIC) SA national police commissioner, Bra Victor Phiyega

She was born in Polokwane, a city housed in a province which has eighty percent of their women looking like men. So when she was introduced as the new National Police Commissioner by President Jacob Zuma, South Africans didn’t pay much attention to her [rather masculine] appearance. She was from Limpopo, after all.

But according to a newspaper report published this afternoon, Riah Phiyega has been [secretly] put on special leave pending an investigation about her true gender. It has emerged that she was actually born a man.

“The national police commissioner was born a Victor Phiyega, not a Victoria Riah Phiyega as she claims,” the newspaper article read in part.

The article breathlessly described Phiyega’s childhood as a little boy who loved playing “skotch” barefooted in the dusty streets of Polokwane, along with damning quotes from Phiyega’s alleged childhood friends who confirmed the worst; she was once a he.

Questions around Phiyega’s true gender has been whispered across SAPS corridors, with many calling her “the Castor Semenya of politics”.

Although a statement issued by Riah Phiyega’s office did not confirm nor deny her suspension, they have undermined the credibility of the allegations.

“South Africans, particularly black women, still have a long way to go in embracing who they are… If you are not light enough, or prefer your hair short and natural, and don’t like wearing makeup, you are therefore given all kinds of derogatory names.

“We pray for the day when women will wake up and realise that beauty cannot sustain them. With her dark skin and short natural hair, Victoria Riah Phiyega defied her poor background to become one of the world’s most educated and powerful women. She is Africa’s very first female national police commissioner – a level most of her Barbie-doll critics will never achieve in this lifetime,” read the strong-worded statement.

Riah Phiyega received a BA degree in Social Work from the University of the North, a BA Hons degree in Social Sciences from Unisa, an MA degree in Social Sciences from the University of Johannesburg and a postgraduate diploma in Business Administration from the University of Wales in Cardiff.

She was a Group Executive at Absa Bank Limited, a board member of Absa Actuaries and trustee of the Absa Foundation. She was also a Group Executive at Transnet and served on numerous Transnet subsidiaries.

Phiyega was part of a team of senior executives who were responsible for the restructuring of the old Portnet into two major separate entities: Port Operations and Port Authority.

Subsequent to the above restructuring, she became part of the Executive of the National Ports Authority of South Africa. She served as Director for Development at the National Council for Child Welfare. She spent a few years at the Chamber of Mines as an employee well-being consultant.

Prior to joining the South African Police Service, she was appointed as Chairperson of the Presidential State-Owned Enterprise Review Committee. The Committee was tasked with the responsibility of reviewing State-Owned Entities and to make recommendations for their future repositioning.

Phiyega was the Vice Chairperson for the Independent Commission for Remuneration of Public Office Bearers.

She chaired the Road Traffic Management Corporation Investigation Task Team which looked into maladministration, corruption and poor corporate governance. The task team made major intervention and restructuring recommendations to the Minister of Transport, assisting to improve the corporation.

Phiyega has served in other significant national structures, which included serving as a board member of the 2010 Bid Committee that managed the hosting of the 2010 FIFA World Cup by South Africa and as commissioner for the Road Accident Fund Commission led by Judge Satchwell and grandmother.

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This Year’s Vodacom Durban July Theme

Durban – The bright lights of showbiz are beckoning at this year’s Vodacom Durban July.

Following the announcement of the 2014 fashion theme “The Big Screen” some of the country’s most iconic designers are gathering movie-themed fashion inspiration from all over the globe, and are predicting to fashionistas and race-goers that July 5 will be a day filled with movie magic and sophisticated glamour with Bollywood, Hollywood and Nollywood as the underlying themes.

Popular Durban designer Kathrin Kidger envisions “The Big Screen” theme to be very much about an innate sense of glamour. “The three things that continuously shine through are Hollywood, Bollywood and Nollywood. This year we can expect to see garments that are inspired by film stars of the past and present,” said Kidger.

“Bollywood is also trending right now and I expect to see a lot of woman in traditional dress,” she added. Durban designer Bianca Warren also forecasts the Hollywood trend running through the threads, “It’s about old school Hollywood glam. Style, sophistication and timeless elegant red carpet wear,” said Warren.

Classic colours are key for the young designer and Warren suggests choosing formal long evening gowns in dark maroons champagnes, greys, navy and blacks. “Opulence, lux and lavish!” sums up what established designer Casey Jeanne imagines when she thinks of “The Big Screen”.

“Think exceptionally sophisticated with a focus on superior detailing and finishes.” Casey recommends race-goers invest in longer hems, dramatic silhouettes, intricate details, superior fabrics and of course, Hollywood glamour.

But be wary not to take the theme too far, says Tiffany Prior, Fashion Programme Director of the Vodacom Durban July. The style guru warns not to come dressed as a movie character but to rather subtly interpret the theme.“Research and interpret what you love about a certain character, movie, or era of movies. It should then be very easy to dress appropriately for race day,” said Prior.

The 2014 Vodacom Durban July will be staged at Greyville racecourse on Saturday 5 July 2014. More information can be found at

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Somizi’s Lover Attempts Suicide

(PIC) Africa's grandmother of gays, Somizi Mhlongo. He was born the same year as Abigail Kubeka

(PIC) Africa’s grandmother of gays, Somizi Mhlongo. He was born the same year as Abigail Kubeka

NOTHING lasts forever – not even great love…

And when Somizi Mhlongo’s relationship went up in smoke after four years, he dumped his boyfriend.

But grief nearly turned to tragedy when the broken-hearted Themba allegedly swallowed a whole bottle of pills to end the beating of his sad heart for evermore!

The People’s Paper understands that Themba (24) was emotionally destroyed to learn that his gay lover’s passion for him had finally cooled. He slumped into a deep depression.

So he decided to bring his life to an abrupt halt by giving his system a huge dose of mixed pills. Sunday Sun insiders said Themba tried to commit suicide and die for love in Somizi’s penthouse, downtown Jozi.

One source said: “The problem started because Themba was a double adapter! He was also dating a woman and had decided to go back to her. 

“Somizi didn’t take the rejection kindly but things returned back to normal for a while. 

“The pair went on a luxurious trip to Durban in December. But things then started to fall apart again when they came back,” said the source. 

The insider added: “Themba felt rejected because Somizi was too busy with work and his BFF Bonang. 

“So he took a bunch of pills and drank it. We’re not sure if he was trying to kill himself – or if he simply wanted Somizi’s attention.”

Another source said Somizi didn’t have time and suggested that Themba should go back to Durban. 

“That’s when we knew it was the end of the affair. Themba went back to Durban but the problem is that his family didn’t welcome him with open arms,” said the source. 

Sunday Sun has learnt that Themba is currently staying with friends in Durban. A close friend in Durban said that Themba’s mum has always been against the relationship.

“She used to call Somizi and ask him to stay away from her son,” said the friend.

When Sunday Sun contacted Somizi, he said: “Yes, I have a boyfriend named Themba. I cannot comment on what you’re asking me. For more information you should go back to your source,” he said. 

Last week a reluctant Themba said:  “I’m not interested in what you are saying. I need to think long and hard before I can give you my answers.” – Sunday Sun

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DJ Warras and Tumi Voster Joins 5FM

DJ Warras, aka The Shady Lurker, has been fast–tracking his way into the hearts and homes of the public through his phenomenal boost in media exposure recently.

Fresh, witty, honest and sporting the hottest record case in the dance business, this DJ recently made the bold move to one of the country’s most prolific youth radio stations – 5FM.

With his long-standing co-host, Tumi Voster in tow, the two-some recently left YFM’s drive time to collectively fill in the 7-10pm slot on 5FM. The result is their energetic new show called The5thElement.

Tumi, a passionate young star in her own right, has been presenting alongside Warras for six years and the two have a quirky, firmly established relationship that brings out the best in each other on air.

Tim Zunckel, 5fm programme manager, had this to say about the new edition, “We are very excited, the 5FM brand always attracts top personalities who want to work on the biggest youth platform in the country. This is a perfect time for Warras to join and this will have the ability to take his career to the next level”.

Apart from his radio career, Warras is still hard at work presenting SABC1’s magazine show LiveAMP, as well as throwing events and parties around the country on a continual basis.

Already having been highly exposed in fashion and entertainment media, Warras has added several accolades to his CV, including being featured in the Cosmopolitan Sexiest Man calendar in 2012.

As a Dj, Warras sets himself above the rest with his ability to relate to any market. Together with his passion for music and people, his absolute drive to deliver the best has seen him catapult to household name status in a few short years.

Listen out for the initial broadcast of The5thElement on 5FM on the 5th May 2014.

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Cam and Thoba’s Public Gay Marriage Ends In Blood

(PIC) A once-married gay couple that left Africans in shock. It’s still unbeknown who’s the “man”

WHAT started out as love ended up in blood and tears! When Tshepo Sithole-Modisane and Thobajobe “Thoba” Sithole-Modisane tied the knot in KwaZulu-Natal last year it was all over the news.

But hardly a year after their wedding, the couple have split. After a big blow-up last month one of them moved out of the house. According to court  papers, Thoba assaulted Tshepo in their matrimonial house in Buccleuch, Joburg. 

Tshepo said in a statement that he arrived home on 27 March and Thoba started beating him up.

Said Tshepo: “He punched me in the mouth. He also bit my right thumb. The neighbours came to help me. I then went to the police and reported the matter. I opened a case of domestic violence.”

Tshepo further told the cops that after opening the case, he went to hospital. But it wasn’t the first time Thoba subjected him to brutal assault.

“In February 2013, he punched me. It happened again in June/July 2013. He hit me and smashed my head against the wall. I had to go to hospital.”  Tshepo said his head was stapled and he also sustained injuries to his mouth.

Tshepo said: “Thoba promised to change his ways but keeps abusing me.”

Despite opening a criminal case against Thoba, Tshepo also obtained a protection order against him. Tshepo wants the court to order Thoba to pay rent of R3 250 a month and also buy groceries. Thoba’s phone rang  unanswered this week. – Sunday Sun

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DA Announces Upgrade to Helen Zille’s House

The Democratic Alliance is thrilled to announce that the Western Cape Government will pay for a multi-million rand upgrade of Helen Zille’s private home in Rosebank, Cape Town.

Following the recent trend of public money being used for upgrades to private residences, Ms Zille is excited to see what this upgrade will do to the value of her family home, which is to be renamed ‘Amandla’.

The initial upgrade is planned for about R20 million, but according to Western Cape Finance Minister, Alan Winde, “everyone knows that these things often run way over budget, so the Western Cape Government has set aside R246 million for inevitable cost overruns”.

This project will include many of the latest “security features” to protect Ms Zille. The full details of the upgrade are classified, but the Project Manager for the upgrade, Mr Tell Us Nxesi, is able to confirm that Zille’s new home will include a “decontamination Jacuzzi”, a “security surveillance theatre”, an “underground safety gym”, and an “emergency helipad that will also serve as a tennis court”.

When quizzed about whether she thought the upgrades were defensible, Ms Zille responded: “I didn’t ask for these upgrades. I am the Premier, sure, but I don’t get involved in any actual decisions. I just work here.”

When asked how this upgrade would be paid for, given the other pressing social needs in the country, Mr Winde said “It doesn’t matter. The money must be found. We will make a plan. I mean, come on – this is for Helen!”

Mr Winde has said further that he was considering the “introduction of e-tolls in the Western Cape”. In an unguarded moment, he went on to say “we will obviously tell people that their money is being used to upgrade the roads and stuff”.

The ANC has responded to this news with outrage. ANC spokesperson Mr Jack Daniels Mthembu said that “there can only be one Number One. The DA thinks it can behave like a real government. But Zille is racist – we built Zuma’s palace in the rural areas where development is needed. The DA is building their palace in the city. We will be reporting this matter to the Public Protector for investigation”. – Banana Newsline

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**Article originally posted on Banana Newsline**

Happy 1st Birthday Lifestyle Tabloids!!!

Today officially marks 1 year since the inception of our [controversial] blog, and little did we know President Jacob Zuma would be amongst our loyal readers.

Before we knew it, Helen Zille followed suit, promptly followed by other prominent political figures across the globe, including Zimbabwe president Robert Mugabe and Ugandan president Yoweri Museveni. How we know this? They all threatened to sue “our pants off” for publishing satirical pieces about them!!

We have been dubbed Africa’s most powerful blog by virtue of attracting international readership from those occupying the seat of power [both in the corporate and government arena].

After all that has been said and done, the cross-continental viral posts, the drama, emotions and legal threats – America knows we exist! Europe knows we exist! Australia knows we exist! And the rest of Africa certainly knows we exist!

A year and millions of hits later – we sincerely thank YOU for your support!!!

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