Uganda Child Rape Festival Officially Launches

(PIC) Ugandan State Minister for Ethic & Integrity Reverend Simon Lokodo

(PIC) Ugandan State Minister for Ethic & Integrity Reverend Simon Lokodo

Kampala – The inaugural Child Rape Festival was officially launched this morning by State Minister for Ethics & Integrity, Rev. Simon Lokodo.

The festival, which will see girls as young as two-months-old being helplessly raped “the natural way”, has been unanimously welcomed by the parliament as it upholds Ugandan Christian principles, as opposed to two consenting adults engaging in homosexual sex.

Cutting the ribbon to formally declare this month-long event as opened, the beaming Rev. Simon Lokodo said the festival couldn’t have come at a better time.

“Men raping young girls has been a long standing tradition in Uganda, a tradition we are very proud of and wish to uphold with the greatest of honour,” Lokodo told reporters.

“Heterosexual rape is morally superior to consensual gay sex. It is men raping girls, which is natural… Raping the evil demons out of the girls will ensure that none of them turns lesbian, otherwise they will be jailed for life. So it is win-win for everyone,” Rev. Simon Lokodo went on to say.

Under the tagline “God Loves Child Rapists – Not Homosexuals”, the festival will present an array of child rape activities which will see the winner being awarded a “Yoweri Prize” for the most rapes, consisting of a diamond encrusted trophy named after Ugandan president, Yoweri Museveni.

Speaking to reporters, men in Uganda say they are already beginning to celebrate this “very innovative” way to “cure the gay epidemic” proliferating across the African continent.

“I have one advice for every man gunning for the Yoweri trophy; You are wasting your time…. I remain the undisputed serial child rapist in Uganda… The trophy shall be mine,” warned 43-year-old Keke Agaba, who claims that his rape victims are in their thousands.

29-year-old Israel Kaboggoza jumped in to say;

“I’m going to get the most rapes this year. I’ve been practicing all year by raping my sister and her friends every day. I will be rape superstar number one! I will get the Yoweri Prize this year for sure!”

Uganda is willing to give up all international aid in favor of its new Child Rape Festival, which makes it legally, morally and religiously acceptable to rape a girl-child as opposed to condoning homosexuality, which the country deem to be an “unnatural” act.

“We will not shy away from this, we want to rid this country of homosexuality and if that means these people – Obama, Hague, you name them – want to stop their aid then let them,” Simon Lokodo was quoted as saying.

“Homosexuality cannot be accommodated in our culture. We have taken that position as a government and prefer child rape because this is a democratic country and it is what the people want.”

Following the controversial anti-gay bill which was recently passed last week, the World Bank announced that it would suspended a 60 million new loan for health services in Uganda. Denmark, The Netherlands and Norway have all frozen aid to President Yoweri Museveni’s government. Washington is “reviewing its relationship” with Uganda over the law, which John Kerry, the US Secretary of State, compared to Nazism and apartheid.

Rev. Simon Lokodo further added that “these Western people – Obama, Kerry – they are married to women, yet they want to tell us our men should marry men. If that is so important, why does Obama not marry a man?

“Do not come into my house and tell me how to live, what food to cook, what to do, as I do not come to your house and tell you what to do. I would much rather rape a girl than kiss another man. At least that would be the natural way of having sex”.

President Yoweri Museveni could not respond on whether he would equally assign scientists to establish what makes a person heterosexual or whether there is such a thing as a heterosexual gene, the same way he did when trying to establish what makes a person homosexual. The UK ended all its direct budget support to the Ugandan government last year.

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