BREAKING NEWS: Gay Lover ‘OUTS’ Ugandan President – The Bill Is Just A Cover-Up!!!

A Havard University Scientist confirmed that Yoweri Museveni's eyes are that of a downlow gay man

A Havard University Scientist confirmed that Yoweri Museveni’s eyes are that of a downlow gay man

Cape Town – In just a day following the passing of the controversial anti-homosexuality bill in Uganda, a young man has come forward claiming to be president Yoweri Museveni’s gay lover.

The 28 year old male model from Sea Point, Cape Town, has passed a series of lie-detector tests with flying colors, this after a Ugandan law agency in South Africa painted him as “an attention seeking lier who wants to ruin, discredit and compromise the dignity and credibility of their president”.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, the young man claims to have met the Ugandan president one summer evening in Cape Town, where he was working as a waiter.

“I was part of the hospitality team hosting presidential delegates at the Cape Town International Convention Centre after the official opening of the national parliament held earlier that day. Myself, and two more waiters were serving a table where Yoweri and other dignitaries were seated for the evening,” the young man said.

He claims that after serving desserts, president Yoweri Museveni complimented him on his impeccable waiting skills and said his upcoming hotel business could do with a waiter like him.

“He gave me his business card and insisted that I should send him my CV before he leaves for Uganda, which I promptly forwarded the following morning. Hardly an hour post emailing him my CV, I received a call from him requesting to meet me at the One&Only hotel to discuss my job prospects at length.

“We met at Vista bar which is situated inside the hotel, but we decided to go seat on the patio. After a few drinks, he told me that he could see that I’m gay, and that he liked me. To date, my job prospects were never discussed,” the young man elaborated.

After one too many drinks, the sexy male model claims that they decided to move the meeting to president Yoweri Museveni’s hotel suite as the sea breeze was getting a tad too cold. Upon their arrival, the horny president couldn’t keep his hands to himself, and the two shared a night of passion.

The young man claims that that was the beginning of a bling life, as the Ugandan president would often bankroll him and frequently fly down to Cape Town to have sex with him and shower him with expensive gifts.

Shockingly, the young man was able to backup his allegations with hard-core proof; from president Yoweri Museveni’s business cards, to private email communication between the two and bank statements showing EFT payments, all confirmed to be valid by a South African forensic unit.

Jetline Auto Dealers have also confirmed the purchase of a black BMW Z4 by one Yoweri Museveni, fitting the exact description of a sleek convertible the young man is currently driving.

“I am very disheartened to learn that he passed a bill that could see people like him being jailed for life, grossly discriminated against and even murdered for being who they are. I don’t understand why he did it, but can only assume that he’s using it as a cover-up to hide who he truly is.

“Most prominent politicians and business people use the same cheap tactics. They get married and have kids as an umbrella, while having young boys as side-dishes. But Yoweri has crossed the line.

“This is such a low blow to me as his lover, and to the African gay community at large. He’s not taking my calls and is ignoring my SMS’es and emails.

“If he’s ok with seeing gay people rot in jail for choosing who they love, then the police should start with him,” lamented the teary gay model.

Uganda’s new anti-homosexuality law punishes gay sex with up to life in jail. The bill originally proposed the death penalty for “aggravated homosexuality”, defined as repeated gay sex between consenting adults and acts involving a minor, a disabled person or where one partner is infected with HIV. First-time offenders also face life in jail.

The new law also creates the offenses of “conspiracy to commit homosexuality” as well as “aiding and abetting homosexuality,” both of which are punishable with a seven-year jail term. Those convicted of “promoting homosexuality” face similar punishment.

John Kerry, US Secretary of State, stated that the signing of the anti-gay bill by the Ugandan president marked a tragic day for Uganda and for all who care about the cause of human rights. He warned that Washington could strongly consider cutting aid to the government of this East African nation.

The Red Pepper tabloid published the names and pictures of alleged homosexuals in a front-page story under the headline: “EXPOSED!”
A prominent Ugandan gay activist, David Kato, was killed after that list came out, and activists said at the time that they believed he was targeted because of his work promoting gay rights in Uganda.

In signing the bill, Museveni said the measure is needed because the West is promoting homosexuality in Africa, rejecting international criticism of the law as interference in Uganda’s internal affairs. Museveni accused “arrogant and careless Western groups” of trying to recruit Ugandan children into homosexuality.

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Top Politicians To Feature On The Marie Claire Mid-Year Naked Issue

(PIC) A sneak preview on what South Africans can expect on the upcoming naked politicians issue

(PIC) A sneak preview on what South Africans can expect on the upcoming naked politicians issue

Johannesburg – Following a very successful celebrity campaign that really got South Africans drooling, Marie Claire has decided to push the envelope a notch up by announcing a mid-year naked issue that will feature prominent politicians.

To be launched just before the forthcoming national polls, the Marie Claire politicians issue will see ten of the country’s most powerful political figures stripping naked to raise money for The Lunchbox Fund, a non-profit organisation dedicated to providing a daily meal for orphaned or vulnerable school children in disadvantaged areas around South Africa.

“This year the Marie Claire naked issue was pushed from its state of oblivion thanks to Boity Thulo’s most talked about behinds. Admittedly, most South Africans never even knew the naked issue existed only until recently,” said Marie Claire editor, Aspasia Karras.

“Whilst the iron is still hot, we have decided to utilize this new found fame as effectively as possible by introducing a very special issue featuring politicians. This, we believe, will get even more tongues wagging.

“Will people gawking over naked celebrities help feed a hungry child? Well, that’s another topic for another day,” Aspasia added.

Amongst key politicians that will bare it all for a good cause is DA leader, Helen Zille, who couldn’t hide her excitement and has already done a few preliminary shots for the glossy magazine.

“I was pleasantly surprised when Marie Claire approached an old geezer like me for their campaign. Being a regular at Sandy Bay nude beach, being kaalgat in public is second nature to me,” laughed Helen Zille.

Other politicians will include Jacob Zuma, Julius Malema, Gwede Mantashe, and Mamphele Ramphele to name but a few.

Presidential spokesperson, Mac Maharaj, has confirmed Jacob Zuma’s involvement in the project, sighting that although Msholozi was not too kosher about the use of a shower backdrop at the shoot, he’s “a proud Zulu man who is used to being almost-naked in front of millions in his traditional Zulu attire”.

Julius Malema, on the other hand, is said to have welcomed creative suggestions which includes posing nude next to a SARS banner reading “Pay Your Tax Or We Will Strip You Naked”.

Dr. Mamphela Ramphele will pose holding a Guinness World Record trophy engraved “Moomish Of The Year”.

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BREAKING NEWS: ANC Prostitutes Deployed In Tembisa

(PIC) Controversial ANC prostitutes showing what their Mamas gave them

(PIC) Controversial ANC prostitutes showing what their Mamas gave them

Ekurhuleni – The first batch of ladies commissioned for “Vote ANC & Get A FREE Prostitute” election campaign were deployed to work at an ANC rally held at Makhulong Stadium in Tembisa.

Chaos, drools and erections became the order of the day as the six prostitutes paraded across the stadium wearing the skimpiest “bum shorts” printed ANCYL.

Election Erections

The prostitutes, aged between 14 to 21 years, were seen flirting with male and lesbian supporters as they handed out ANC leaflets. One prostitute was quoted as saying; “Vote for ANC and you can have all of this thickness…”

It is alleged that another batch of prostitutes were deployed to “steal” support from EFF rally held at Mehlareng Stadium, also in Tembisa.

Jackson Mthembu and other top ANC officials could not be reached for comment.

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Jacob Zuma, Helen Zille Puppet Porn Movie To Go Ahead As Planned

(PIC) Doggie-style footage from “Sleeping With The Enemy” puppet porn movie

Put your shower caps on Mzansi, Top TV’s porn channel may soon produce a movie centered around a cast of characters that are aspirational role models for a generation of whom sex, race and tenderpreneurship has become a core value.

Targeted towards 18+ year olds, “Sleeping With The Enemy” is a fresh, contemporary take on what it is to be a politician today, infused with music and the all-important notion of democracy in today’s political world.

It follows the journey of Helen Zille, a spirited young woman with an endearing voice and an unending desire to join politics. When Helen meets her soon-to-be ex husband, Jacob Zuma, her life changes forever. A new world of power, corruption and polygamy is revealed, consequently leading to an explosive divorce battle of all time.

Helen attends Fezeka’s funeral, a broken woman who turned lesbian and later took her own life after a gruesome rape ordeal in the hands of Jacob, Helen’s former husband. At the cemetery, she meets lesbian couple Patricia and Lindiwe, who are seething with vengeance following their close friend’s suicide. With Jacob Zuma being their mutual enemy, the three are bound together by their common goal to unseat him from power. This sees the birth of DA, a political party that soon becomes a force to be reckoned with.

The puppet porn movie opens dirty sexual mysteries of Mzansi’s two most favourite politicians. Steamy sexual encounters between Helen and Jacob creates an outstanding mix of sleaze, adventure and comedy, with Jacob constantly taking a shower after each session to wash off AIDS.

“We want to combine the feel of cartoon with modern twists on an unprecedented scale. Our team has been working tremendously hard to once again delight voters with a new way to experience these two loveable characters. The show will have a wide audience appeal,” said esteemed local porn movie producer, Tau Morena, who also founded popular porn site Sondeza.com.

There will be a total of 13 “Sleeping With The Enemy” episodes spanning until May the 7th. No South African TV channel has been announced so far, although an insider at Top TV confirmed that talks between the porn channel and puppet movie producer are currently underway.

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‘Wardrobe Disaster’ MP Lies In Hospital

(PIC) Miss Thandile Sunduza has been compared to all sorts of wild creatures, including “Oros Wife”

It was a wardrobe disaster that made Thandile ­Babalwa ’Twana Sunduza the talk of the red carpet and the country ahead of President Jacob Zuma’s state of the nation address.

Sunduza’s skimpy off-the-shoulder frock – in ­canary yellow – stole the limelight outside Parliament on Thursday evening and pitched the arts and culture portfolio committee chairperson squarely into the fashion police’s sights.

Sunduza (37) wasn’t fazed by the attention. Posing for pictures in the blustery evening air, she smilingly told journalists: “I’m seven months’ pregnant. If you ask who’s the father, I don’t know.”

Her dress sparked an online frenzy as detractors compared it with yellow caterpillars and called her “Oros’ wife”. But some people did leap to her defence.

In an interview with City Press on Friday, the MP, who is originally from Soweto, said: “The dress was not what I wanted to wear. My original dress by a designer in Pretoria arrived late and wasn’t what we agreed upon. It was too tight.”

So, said Sunduza, she was forced to adjust the yellow dress.

“I cut off the frills and the sleeves to make it a boob tube. Pieces were falling off, it was a nightmare.”

She thanked her supporters and lamented the discrimination against “fat” people, saying she did not even eat sweet things or drink alcohol.

“I grew up chubby. I’ve never been thin, even though I play sport and walk around. I’ve tried diets. It just doesn’t work. What I want to say is that women must start loving themselves,” said Sunduza.

“If Beyoncé was wearing it or Bonang [Matheba], it wouldn’t be an issue.”

Sunduza said the confusion over the identity of her baby’s father had been a joke. In fact, the couple is planning to get married soon, she said.

She was in high spirits during our phone ­conversation but, hours later, she collapsed at OR Tambo International Airport.

Sunduza left Cape Town shortly after her interview with City Press. By yesterday afternoon, she ­remained in a Johannesburg hospital. Her personal assistant, who refused to give her name, said it still was not clear what was wrong.

“This whole thing must be getting to her.” – City Press

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SONA Worst Dressed: Gatvol Yellow Dress Designer Speaks Out!!!

2012v/s2014 pictures of DoA&C Portfolio Committee Chairman, Thandile Sunduza. She's ALWAYS pregnant

2012v/s2014 pictures of DoA&C Portfolio Committee Chairman, Thandile Sunduza. She’s ALWAYS pregnant

The blaming game between SONA worst dressed winner Thandile Sunduza and fashion designer Miglali Gqada continues… This time, the yellow dress designer had this to say via her Facebook page;

After going back and forth on wether to or not address what I deem Fashion Suicide by Ms Sunduza at the SONA last nite alas here I am, and this mite I add will be my only comment on this subject…

I am a well rounded designer and stylist for plump women whom I refer to as iziDudla. My label as launched 4 years ago has graced a number of Red Carpets, Magazines, Newspapers and a myriad of Social Media sites!!!

I myself exclusively wear MY designs and have grown a brand unanimous with Sassy, Cheeky, Classy and all round fabulous and this I say with a clear conscious quoting texts from many published sentiments of my large clientele, fans, followers and friends…

Ms Sunduza requested me to design her a garment for the SONA and upon consultation she had her own idea and a clear indication of what she wanted, in fact she wanted me to go and see a dress from a store she liked and make it, I refused because I respect my craft and I do not dummy copy other designers work, I can use them as inspiration BUT not copy as an ethic I work with…

The dress I made for Ms Sunduza is NOT the dress she wore at the SONA, I repeat for the indulgence of those who seek this clarity and those that have read her FB post which I am not privy too as we are NOT friends on FB, we HAD a client designer relationship!!!

A dress was courioued to CPT and there are people who can attest to the fact that what she wore last nite was NOT the dress sent to her !!! The dress sent was lime off shoulder NOT a boob cube as she wore and it had a lace overlay/droppings which was appropriate for her current state (pregnancy)!!!

What Ms Sunduza wore was the under garment of the dress sent to her, so she unanimously with NO consultation with me went and got the dress reDONE by people I do not know without my knowledge which is her prerogative as that petticoat she ended up wearing as a dress was exactly that the under garment of the dress and again i say this THERE is proof to all of this as the dress was seen by even those who I asked to drop it at the airport!!!

The top part of the dress worn by Ms Sunduza I too have never laid eyes on and it was only after close speculation that I realized that she wore the petticoat as a dress and did something with the top part that I dnt know!!!

Till NOW I have NOT been consulted by her nor has she explained what she did to the S’dudla Couture dress I sent her and that is non of my business as what my clients do with their garments is not my business!!!

I respect my clients and am always willing to listen and give them a life changing experience with my designs. I am NOT perfect but you do not leave my studio with a long face or disappointed!!! My staff and I make sure of that at ALL times!!!

In conclusion Ms Sunduza must NOT LIE in such platforms and claim that disaster she wore was my design, as she wore the petticoat of the actual dress delivered to her and did something with the top I too have never seen nor understand!!!

In fact as she jirated on the Red Carpet laughing and chasing cameras she did NOT once when asked the designer mention my name she went on about her shoes and Drs orders etc, I was glued on to the screen…

She did not at any time call me and say the dress was not fit for her and had she done so with the Original Dress not the disaster she wore I would have respectfully asked her NOT to wear it, send it back and I would rework the dress until it suited her needs!!!

In my line of work we consult I design your look, you pay and I make the garment then you fit after which you decide if the dress is perfect and we work on it for delivery!!!

And in the event you are not happy we remake the dress and you never take a garment you do not like or feel is a reflection of what you had initially asked for!!!

For the record I made dresses for the SONA as I have done in years before and my clients looked outstanding and where more than happy with my work!!!

In future when soliciting services of an expect or respectable service provider or designer in my case WEAR what I made and NOT an imagined frock, had that been the case the woman at hand would have made social pages and NOT worst dressed!!!

The Truth can Not be manufactured at the will of people who when at the centerfold of disaster want to cry fawl and redirect anarchy to ME hay’khona NOT on my clock!!!

I will continue to ROCk fab outfits and style my people with honor and dignity…In the meanwhile the worst dressed must take the fall for her self inflicted disaster and own up to her dress WHILE I own up to MY petticoat that she altered into a dress!!!

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“Blacks Are Stupid! Let Them Do All The Barbaric Chanting For Us,” Laughed Off White DA Members

(PIC) A shocking post derived from Facebook. Lara Jones has since deleted all posts from her wall.

(PIC) A shocking post derived from Facebook. Lara Jones has since deleted all posts from her wall.

Johannesburg – It was petrol bombs, tear gas and bricks as DA’s attempt to march for “real” jobs came to a screeching halt. A sea of blue t-shirts confronted by a dash of red [copy cat] berets turned unpalatably sour, consequently wreaking havoc across the streets of downtown Jozi.

Amidst all the drama and controversy, what was strikingly vivid was the absence of white DA comrades, although the ANC is still very adamant that DA is predominantly a “white” political party. Like a small drop of bleach stain on a black fabric, DA leader, Helen Zille, was the only white person in attendance, flanked by [her almost white] Lindiwe Mazibuko, alias “glorified tea girl”.

While all media outlets took M1 South to capture stick-and-stone moments hovering Rissik street, a journalist working for a popular tabloid in Marshalltown reportedly took M1 North to interview white DA members who “couldn’t make it” to the march.

“Well, I can afford KFC. Black supporters where promised Streetwise Two in exchange… Many of them only get to eat KFC on Christmas, and that’s if they’re lucky… Blame it on poverty and unemployment created by the ruling party…. There was no need for me to be there,” alluded Peter Steyn, a property developer hailing from Morningside, Sandton.

In fact, buses carrying township DA supporters were filled to the brim to show a united front against the government’s “bogus” commitment to creating 6-million work opportunities through the expanded public works programme (EPWP). The DA has haughtily dismissed these as only short-term temporary work, and not “real jobs”.

Peter Steyn went on to say, “If I want to tan my skin, I go to Cape Town or Knysna. If I want to loose weight, I go to Virgin Active. If I want to see a stampede, I watch Ripley’s Believe It Or Not. Imagine a white person jumping up and down like a bloated monkey, it will look silly. Let them do all the barbaric chanting for us.”

Neels Potgieter, who is DA’s councilman for Ward 9, Hyde Park, gave a more diplomatic stance regarding his absence at the showdown.

“Marching and holding placards has been a long standing tradition within the black community, a culture which white DA members respect with no reservation. As such, it would seem rather patronizing for any white person to mimic that. It is exactly the same as a white person speaking to a black person in a black accent, this equates to mocking the black accent. White people fight at boardroom level, not in the streets,” Neels said.

Dubbed the rent-a-black, rent-a-leader party, the DA has been accused of using blacks as voting fodder. Last year the party came under severe scrutiny following its proposed Diversity Economic Empowerment [D.E.E] policy, which will ultimately see a well-off white person who benefited from past economic injustices deserving an equal chance of empowerment as a poor black person who inherited centuries of generational poverty.

Another white DA member, who spoke on condition of anonymity, laughed off and said;

“If they can be convinced that eating grass brings them closer to God, they can be convinced to do anything… Blacks are so dof man.”

(PIC) ANC supporters holding bricks

(PIC) ANC supporters holding bricks

The ANC has reportedly made an urgent court application seeking protection from the DA’s march, stating that the opposition party was “armed to the teeth”. The application was dismissed by Johannesburg High Court.

Speaking on Power FM, ANC’s spin doctor, Jackson Mthembu, said the DA was preparing for war.

“They are coming armed to the teeth, with helmets, batons, shields. They have even booked places in hospitals. That can only be the actions of a party at war….”

Police reportedly fired stun grenades to stop a group of about 100 ANC supporters from intercepting 6000 DA marchers. The group of ANC supporters threw rocks and bricks at the police before splintering into smaller groups, leading to a game of cat and mouse between them and the police, a few blocks from Luthuli House.

Helen Zille described the march as “successful” to broadcaster eNCA afterwards, saying the DA had achieved its objectives.

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