Family No Longer Good Enough For Idols Twins

(PIC) Idols twins Anele and Neliswa Mxhakaza are too 'goodie' and famous to be seen visiting home

(PIC) Idols twins Anele and Neliswa Mxhakaza are too ‘goodie’ and famous to be seen visiting home

THE mother of talented Chesterville twins, Neliswa and Anele Mxhakaza (18), curses the fame that “turned her kids into spoilt brats”.

The twins, who left Metro FM presenter and Idols judge Unathi Msengana in tears and kept the people of Mzansi glued to their screens with their harmonious voices – are reported to be living at Umhlanga, north of Durban.

Gloria Mxhakaza said: “I curse fame for changing the lifestyles of my kids.
“I don’t know where they live but they told me that they stay at Umhlanga.

“I have never been there and I don’t know whether they’re telling the truth.

“When I told them to come home, they texted me, saying I should leave them alone or else they’d run away for good.

“They threatened not to see me again and that hurts me. I have asked senior family members to intervene, but there’s no solution yet.”

Gloria said that since the twins were eliminated fromIdols, they have moved out of their home.

She said: “What is bothering me the most is that, since they passed matric, my wish is to see them study further.

“But there’s a big chance they might not study this year if they don’t come back home.”

Gloria said the twins never came home for Christmas or on New Year’s Eve.

They visited for about two hours on 1 January and then left again. When Daily Sunphoned Anele, she was reluctant to say why they left their mum.

“We do visit home. We stay at Umhlanga for rehearsals,” she said before hanging up.

Apparently, the twins have joined the gospel group, Grace Galaxy. – Daily Sun

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MILLER BOOMTOWN IS GOING LOCAL

Johannesburg, South Africa – Miller Genuine Draft has announced the additional talent to be added to the Miller BOOMTOWN local line-up for the upcoming three-city tour featuring international rapper Kendrick Lamar.

Joining the Joburg line-up are mix DJ guru, YTKO’s Zan-D (YFM) alongside Ms Cosmo (Channel O VJ). Talented actress and YFM DJ Thando Thabethe will host the show alongside SK to give it some spice while Durban locals DJ Lab and DJ Teabag will represent at the Durban leg with Gagasi FM’s Thando Lwetu as host. DJ Azhul and the legendary godfather of SA hip-hop Ready D are confirmed for the Cape Town show alongside GoodHope FM’s TK who will co-host the final show in the mother city.

The previously confirmed local line-up included multiple SAMA winner Khuli Chana and hip-hop hit maker Reason with tour DJ, DJ Dimplez and Channel O’s SK hosting as the official MC.

Miller Boomtown will be carefully tailored for each of the 3 cities giving each a fresh and uniquely relevant experience. With the best of the best in SA talent, Miller Boomtown promises to be showcasing the best of SA with several added surprises that will certainly excite concert goers .

Fans can also look forward to an explosive collaborative spectacular hip-hop production featuring the best local hip-hop talent in South African, to be announced only at the concert. Miller Boomtown is more than just a concert , but a show-stopping multi-layered entertainment experience.

Miller Boomtown media partners include Channel O together with regional radio partners YFM, Gagasi and Good Hope.

The tour kicks off at The Wave House in Durban on Friday, 7th February 2014 before moving to Johannesburg Stadium on the 8th February and the Belville Velodrome in Cape Town on Sunday the 9th Feb. Ticket range from R350-R650 & will be open to fans of all ages.

The Miller Boomtown presents Kendrick Lamar South African tour dates will be as follows:        

Friday 7th February     
The Wave House, Gateway Durban

Saturday 8th February Johannesburg Stadium, Johannesburg

Sunday 9th February Bellville Velodrome, Cape Town

Miller BOOMTOWN featuring Kendrick Lamar is hosted by local promoters Airey Scott.

For more tour and ticket information: Catch live updates on Twitter via our handle @MGD_SA and also Miller South Africa on Facebook. Also check out the #MillerBoom youtube link http://bit.ly/LYcmGp

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SHOCKING: Vote ANC & Get A FREE Prostitute! ANC’s New Election Campaign

(PIC) A prostitute commissioned to campaign for the ANC. Gwede Mantashe behind her.

(PIC) A prostitute commissioned to campaign for the ANC. Gwede Mantashe behind her.

It’s BYE-BYE food parcels and HELLO free prostitutes. In a desperate attempt to win votes, the ANC has embarked on what can be classified as the world’s most shocking election campaigns yet, by adding sex workers to the equation.

According to an exposé published by a popular Sunday newspaper, this jaw-dropping campaign was officially launched during the January 8 Statement held in Mpumalanga, where an array of prostitutes were whisked from [literally] all corners of Gauteng province to join in umzabalazo.

“I have never seen so many short skirts in one place at the same time… It was like watching an episode of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not,” said one very excited Mpumalanga man, who added that after this spectacle, he will definitely be voting for the ANC.

Following years of empty promises, fraud, corruption, sexual scandals and the extortion of taxpayers’ money, South Africans have lost all faith in the ruling party, with many confirming that they’ve heard enough and will not be voting ANC into power again.

One gatvol township resident went on to say that the only time they get to interact with ANC leaders within their respective community is once every five years during election campaigns. After winning, they disappear and it’s business as usual; lavish living, nepotism, fraud, corruption etc.

In light of this, the ANC is certainly getting nervous. The proliferation of new political parties mushrooming everywhere is also adding to the pressure, the recent one being Desmond Tutu’s gay political party called ‘DRAAMA’ [Democratic Religious Alliance Against Minority Antagonism].

According to well placed sources at Luthuli House, the tinned-fish and Iwisa maize meal food parcel strategy was no longer working for the ANC, therefore the party had to explore other ‘innovative’ ways to garner votes.

It is alleged that the initial ‘campaign testing stage’ held in Mpumalanga was a resounding success. Well trained ‘ladies of the night’ were given a ‘brief’ to wear the shortest skirts and shorts with no panties underneath and to lift their legs higher than Mount Everest when chanting struggle songs. It is alleged that the “below the belt bulge” was trending amongst comrades at the venue.

Said ANC’s spokesperson, Jackson Mthembu: “According to ANC’s protection of information act, we are not at liberty to discuss our election campaign strategy with the media. Whether we use prostitutes to campaign for us or not is an internal matter and will be treated as such.”

Leading to the elections, it is alleged that a toll free line will be made available for horny South Africans to call in and have raunchy phone sex sessions with the prostitutes. The prostitutes will also make house calls for those looking for a more physical action.

Additionally, insiders claim that male and female prostitutes will be deployed across all voting stations to ensure that all voters are kept ‘entertained’. Due to small penile size issues endemic amongst South African men, the campaign opted to use male prostitutes from Nigeria, Ghana and other West African countries to ensure that female and gay voters are left gasping for more.

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Half Snake Half Girl – The World’s Most Bizarre Human Being

(PIC) Little Mai Li Fay is clearly enjoying all the attention

(PIC) Little Mai Li Fay is clearly enjoying all the attention

Bangkok – 8 year old Mai Li Fay, from Bangkok, is far from living the usual life of a girl her age. Everyday, thousands of people gather to the front of her family’s house to get a chance of seeing and possibly touching the young girl, a gesture which both buddhists and hindu pilgrims seem to perceive as a guarantee of good fortune.

According to the country’s top medical expert, Dr Ping Lao, the young girl suffers a very rare syndrome known as the Serpentosis Malianorcis or Jing Jing’s disease, which gives her lower body a distinct reptilian form and aspect. Only a handful of such cases have been recorded throughout history, so the scientific knowledge accumulated about the pathology is rather limited and there is no cure in sight at the moment.

The Fay family have welcomed the situation brought by Mai Li’s situation with a mix of anguish and excitement, as the never ending lines of tourists and pilgrims have brought the badly impoverished family some substantial revenues and given them an important raise in their social status but cost them there privacy and intimacy. – World News Daily Report

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Bonang Matheba’s New Lingerie Line Causes A Sexy Distraction

Johannesburg – Social media millionaire Bonang Matheba is showing no signs of slowing down in 2014. Just a few weeks into the New Year, self proclaimed “Queen Of Everything” has announced an exciting partnership with retail giant Woolworths South Africa.

Queen B*, as she is affectionately known, has collaborated with the retailer in her 1st and gorgeously sexy lingerie line called ‘Distraction By Bonang’.

“Anyone that knows me understands that I love looking good, and that process for me begins with picking the right lingerie”, said the Top Billing Presenter. The elated beauty says she was very involved in the design process, which began mid-2013.

“Walking into the partnership, I knew I wanted to put my heart and soul into the collection. I had very specific ideas I wanted to explore and a clear direction. I am truly grateful to Woolworths for granting me the freedom to tap into my creativity and the guidance throughout the process”, added Bonang.

In a recent interview, Bonang said the most important thing for her about the collection was that it had to be sexy, comfortable and enchanting, while embracing a woman’s femininity. The range, which comprises of three collections, is set to launch on January 20th at selected Woolworths stores, just in time for Valentine’s Day.

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Jacob Zuma’s New Zulu Bible To Have 8 Commandments

MARIANHILL – President Jacob Zuma has donated R500 000 for the translation of the Bible into isiZulu through his Jacob Zuma Foundation.

“The Bible needs to be updated and incorrect translations need to be fixed,” Zuma said in a statement. Among these errors is the incorrect representation that there are ten Commandments contained in the Book of Exodus. The new Bible in isiZulu will feature only eight.

The two Commandments that won’t feature in the new Jacob Zuma Zulu Bible are “Thou shalt not steal” and “Thou shalt not commit adultery”.

Some critics have accused Zuma that he’s reshuffling the bible like it’s the cabinet, but he [Zuma] remains unrepentant. “The Bible is a holy book. That is why believers should get the gist of it as it is, and it needs to be translated properly,” Zuma continued.

The new Jacob Zuma Zulu Bible will reportedly also update certain verses in Leviticus. These new verses will contain the correct procedure to follow when one has to take a shower to wash off Aids after having had unprotected sex.

To compliment the poetry of David, The Book of Solomon will now also feature the love poems sent to the daughter of a friend and football team boss before she got pregnant.

Certain phrases in the Bible will be updated to feature more relevant terminology. For instance, the “Lake of Fire” in the Book of Revelation shall now be referred to as the “Fire Pool”.

At time of print it was still unclear if the new Jacob Zuma Zulu Bible will contain any verses codifying God’s decree that the ANC must rule until Jesus comes back. BN

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**Article originally published on Banana Newsline**

DA Unveils Blue Berets

(PIC) The DA army marches for freedom from corruption in our lifetime

(PIC) The DA army marches for freedom from corruption in our lifetime

PAARL – In an attempt to keep up with other parties before the 2014 elections, the Democratic Alliance unveiled their own shiny new blue berets at a rally in the Western Cape over the weekend.

This unveiling was done a week after the ANC unveiled their own shiny new red berets exactly like the red berets of EFF, which they unveiled a few months ago when the new party was formed.

According to party insiders, the berets are an important next step in their preparation for the upcoming election.
“It has become clear to us that this election will not be won by political statements, but by fashion statements,” said the party’s young, vibrant parliamentary leader Lindiwe Mazibuko. “We need to let people know that blue is in this season. I’m even changing my lipstick to blue.”

Although red berets seem to be the norm, the choice to distance itself from the colour was an easy decision for the DA to make. “Our shirts are blue, our flags are blue, even our blood is blue,” insisted Mazibuko. “Most of us have blue eyes. I don’t, but the others do. There’s absolutely no red in the DA, especially not in our policy manifesto. Hopefully not in our eyes either. Why would we have red berets?”

ANC spokesman Jackson Mthembu has criticised the DA for wearing berets, claiming that they’re just jumping on the bandwagon because the ANC jumped onto the bandwagon.

“We’re already copying EFF,” he reiterated. “Why would they now copy them as well?”

Despite its official colours being black, green and gold, the ANC decided on red for their headwear. “We were worried that gold on our heads would send the wrong message,” revealed Mthembu.

The DA remains unapologetic about their actions. “We may copy others, but at least our copies are original,” replied Mazibuko.

At the unveiling, party leader Helen Zille promised that if you vote for the DA, they would do everything the ANC promised to do, only better. “Every party is bringing the same, tired old politics to the table,” she said. “At least we’ve gone and coloured it blue.”

Unlike the red berets that just get plomped onto heads straight up without much form, the DA expects all their members to wear the blue beret in the proper manner. ”We wear our berets the right way, with the logo to the left,” remarked Zille.

DA campaign strategists are certain that the distribution of free merchandise will have a definite effect on the outcome of the election.

“People don’t want to hear any more promises,” said Federal Chairperson Wilmot James. They want something real and the want it now. How can you expect people to take you seriously when you make promise after promise about service delivery, then let them stand in line for hours just to have them go home without the t-shirt you promised? How?”

After everything’s been said and done, one question remains on everybody’s mind, which will be answered come election day. As Floyd Shivambu, EFF’s commissar responsible for policy, research and political education (take a deep breath and read it again) tweeted, “We know a #beret will win the election. Will it be red or will it be blue? BN

(PIC) The beret worn the right way

(PIC) The beret worn the right way

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**Article originally published on Banana Newsline**