Penis Size Ranking: South Africans Rank #7 While Congo Men are Overall Winners

The scientific journal Personality and Individual Differences has recently published research on the average erect penis lengths of men around the world, and according to the study, the men of the Republic of Congo are the biggest at an average penis length of 18 cm.

The study ranked 113 nationalities. British men were ranked 78th with an average length of 13.9 cm, and Americans were behind the Brits (and the Canadians, Spaniards, French, Australians and Russians,) at 12.9 cm.

By continent, African men were found to have the largest penises, while north-east Asians are the smallest. Among European countries, the men of Iceland were deemed the biggest.

North Korean men fell short, with the average being 9.6 cm.

The research was carried out by Dr Richard Lynn, Emeritus Professor of Psychology at Ulster University.

Though the study may have peaked people’s interest, it’s raised many eyebrows too with critics claiming that the study is flawed, as he used some data from websites.

Although the recent survey plays directly into ethnic stereotypes, sexuality researchers Masters and Johnson explained that penis size really has no effect on female satisfaction, according to The Inquisitor.

The Telegraph reported that Professor of methodology at Holland’s Tilburg University Jelte Wicherts said: “This is a brave paper in a controversial area but the data has no methodology.”

Medical Daily says penis size seems to be a bit of a preoccupation for men, causing a healthy industry that claims to have various methods of enlarging the male organ. There is a significant number of men who claim to have small penises but are in fact quite normally endowed, the report says.

It says penile enhancements can come with a host of complications and side effects.

Here are a few of the average penis sizes by country in centimetres:

Republic of Congo, 18
Ecuador, 17.7
Ghana, 17.2
Colombia 17
Iceland 16.5
Italy 15.7
South Africa 15.2
Sweden 14.9
Greece 14.7
Germany 14.4
New Zealand 13.9
UK 13.9
Canada 13.9
Spain 13.9
France 13.4
Australia 13.2
Russia 13.2
USA 12.9
Ireland 12.7
Romania 12.7
China 10.9
India 10
Thailand 10
South Korea 9.6
North Korea 9.6

Source: Times Live

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Man Dies After Vibrator Gets Stuck In His Anus

A 50-year-old British man died after a vibrator became stuck in his anus.

Nigel Willis, who was unemployed and lived with his elderly mother, was rushed to Lewisham Hospital after the sex toy got stuck inside him for five days.

Willis, who was diabetic, became progressively weaker, and was unable to move from his couch during that time, a coroner’s inquest heard Aug 12. He only sought assistance after a friend learned of the problem and begged him to get help.

Doctors said that the vibrator had perforated the man’s bowel. Willis developed septic shock and suffered multiple organ failure, the coroner ruled. His condition deteriorated over a lengthy stay in the ICU. He died.

“The main cause of death clearly is just the abdomen injury – the injury to the bowel,” Assistant Coroner for inner-south London Sarah Ormand-Walshe said, according to the Daily Mail. – The Huffington Post

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Homosexuality Testing Kit Now Available at Local Clinics

(PIC) A sample of the homosexuality testing kit

(PIC) A sample of the homosexuality testing kit

The ministry of health, under the leadership of Dr. Aaron Motsoaledi, has announced that the homosexuality testing kit will be made available for those wanting to test their homosexuality status.

This follows the controversial homosexuality cure vaccine “breakthrough” announced just a few weeks ago. According to Motsoaledi’s office, the creation of the homosexuality testing kit only made sense.

“Treatment for any health condition cannot commence before and without proper diagnosis. As such, it was only logical that the ministry create a kit that will enable health professionals to accurately diagnose homosexuality, before dispensing the vaccine to patients testing homosexuality positive,” said Joe Maila, national spokesperson for the Department of Health.

Similar to the rapid HIV testing kit, the homo kit will also involve confidential counseling and pricking the patient’s finger to collect a blood sample.

“A drop of the patient’s blood will be placed on the test kit, followed by a drop or two of a diluent. A purple coloured line will appear next to C and T. One line would mean the patient is homosexuality negative whereas two lines means sorry Sir, you tested homosexuality positive.

“For patients testing homosexuality positive, additional blood samples will be send to the laboratory for further aggressive testing. If the results still comes back as positive, appropriate vaccine treatment would then commence to cure the patient’s homosexuality condition,” Joe Maila elaborated.

Dr. Aaron Motsoaledi has urged anyone displaying homosexuality symptoms such as; femininity, a flamboyant dress sense such as colour-blocking, obsession for fashion, liking semi-naked pictures of other men on Facebook, love for Khanyi Mbau and/or Bonang Matheba, knowing all lyrics to Beyonce’s songs including buying all her CDs and DVDs, never missing an episode of Generations, being the centre of the dance floor etc. to quickly visit their local clinics for a homosexuality test before it’s too late.

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EFF Accuse Zuma of Witchcraft After Two Mermaids Where Found in Nkandla’s “Fire Pool”

The two mermaids that were found swimming inside Nkandla’s “fire pool”

EFF’s motor mouth, Julius Malema, has accused President Jacob Zuma of practicing witchcraft. This after two mermaids were found in Nkandla’s “fire pool”, allegedly alive and kicking.

A leaked picture of the mysterious mermaids has been circulating social networks throughout the week, with many expressing their shock while others painted the gory photo as fake.

However, in a statement issued by presidential spokesman, Mac Maharaj, the two mermaids were confirmed as real.

“The president of the republic, Jacob Zuma, would like to set on record that although the two mermaids were discovered in a pool situated inside his Nkandla homestead, he was not aware of their existence. The Office of the Presidency will be in a better position to comment once an investigation by the security cluster has been concluded,” the statement read in part.

Opposition parties, particularly the EFF, were quick to accuse Zuma of witchcraft, sighting that he used the mermaids to protect him from being recalled from the seat of power.

“In the black community, we have what we call “ukuthwala – ho rwala”. People would consult sangomas for power and protection, which often comes in a form of muti and/or a snake which lives in a bedroom no one is allowed to go into…

“It all makes sense now. Zuma was accused of rape, fraud and corruption with hard core evidence presented before the court of law, but still walked free…. His mermaids protected him,” Malema told reporters.

The two mermaids were allegedly executed and transported to an undisclosed research laboratory in Durban.

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Retired Prostitutes Open College of Sex to Teach Tricks of the Trade

Ever wondered what happens to sex workers when they grow old and it is time to retire?

According to myzimbabwe.co.zw, retired sex workers in Zimbabwe are now training the new crop in matters of reproductive health and engaging in safe sex.

Lima Mankarankara, 66, said she and her peers have a “consultancy service” for younger sex workers in the area, to stay relevant in the industry.

“We teach them how to handle clients well and the proper use of condoms,” she said.

“Men take advantage of girls, so this is a way of making sure the girls stay safe and avoid unwanted babies while getting a little something for ourselves,” Mankarankara added.

She said the girls show appreciation for the lessons through money or food for the consultancy provided. “Some of the girls are underage and cannot access condoms, so we give them the condoms because as much as we hate to admit it, the girls are already in business at the age of 12,” the elderly woman said.

Together with three other retired sex workers, Mankarankara runs the organisation and procures sanitation, condoms and pregnancy test kits. – Times Live

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“Homosexuality Cure” Vaccine Approved by the Ministry of Health

Bye-Bye Outrageous Outfits: Somizi Mhlongo will be amongst the first gays to receive the vaccine

Bye-Bye Outrageous Outfits: Somizi Mhlongo will be amongst the first gays to receive the vaccine

Today UCT scientists confirmed claims made almost three weeks ago that the cure for homosexuality has been discovered.

The story was received as a hoax almost immediately after going public and was condemned globally by the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community.

According to Dr. Aaron Motsoaledi, Minister of Health, a team of researchers discovered what they claim is a vaccine which can prevent early symptoms or cure humans from homosexuality, if treatment begins at a young age.

On May 8, 2013, the Sunday Time broke the news publicly claiming the vaccine was based on scientific research done in 1959 and published under the title “Organizing action of prenatally administered testosterone propionate on the tissues mediating mating behavior in the female guinea pig” by Charles Phoenix, an American researcher.

Charles Phoenix concluded that “INAH [part of the hypothalamus] is dimorphic with sexual orientation, at least in men, and suggests that sexual orientation has a biological substrate”.

Dr. Motsoaledi stated that injecting specific quantities of testosterone helps to unset the artificial biological unbalance which is thought to occur in roughly 2% of the population. What causes this unnatural balance isn’t clear but research tends to indicate “environmental pollutants” likely found in certain foods may cause an excess of estrogen mimickers.

Xenoestrogen are a type of estrogen mimickers found in synthetic or natural chemical compounds. Synthetic xenoestrogens such as PCB’s, BPA and phthalates have been also been found to have estrogenic effects on living organisms.

South Africa has been struggling with its homosexual problem for decades. Last August the South African national parliament announced a state-sponsored program that provides anonymous treatments for gay people. According to the Sunday Time, the program is supported by 88% of the country.

The news initially saw very little coverage, but South Africa at large have strongly supported production of the vaccine while most other countries including the U.S. have received the news with a good deal of skepticism.

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Zola 7 is Down and Out!

IS Bonginkosi Dlamini, aka “Zola 7”, heading for depression? Friends of the former megastar are concerned.  Sunday Sun has learnt Zola might be heading down depression road if he doesn’t pick up the pieces of his life.
 
A celeb, who is also a kwaito star and a close friend, said Zola has lost interest in life.

The friend told Sunday Sun: “He doesn’t even attend industry events. He is always surrounded by has-beens at his house.
 
“He decided to avoid insults, mind his own business and chills at home.” His friends are worried that he’s blaming others for his bad decisions.
 
“He’s negative, not the optimistic Zola people used to know. It seems he’s defeated,” said one source. Another friend said when Zola lost his precious wheels, things took a wrong turn.
 
“It’s difficult for him to move around, he has to wait for one of his proteges to go anywhere,” said the source. The friend said it’s difficult to go from having about R5 million worth of endorsement deals to having nothing.
 
“The sooner he stops blaming Lance Stehr and moves on, the better. It’s not too late for him to revive his career but the way he continues he will get depression and it won’t be easy to come out,” said the source.
 
In March this year, Sunday Sun reported that Zola was forced to sell two of his houses because he could no longer maintain them. He blamed it on music piracy.
 
Last week Zola told Sunday Sun: “People don’t see me out there because I perform in rural areas and ekasi.
 
“I’m at home and I’ve been out for the last 15 years. I’m a happy person and am at peace with myself,” he said. – Sunday Sun

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Boity Thulo Dumped Like a Used Condom

Beautiful Boity Thulo of Rockville fame reportedly didn’t want Greg Borowsky to say goodbye. But alas for the sexy TV star, her mlungu hunk slunk off to the US – and Boity wasn’t invited to come along.

HER hot Yankee boyfriend took off and left her crying bitter tears!

Musician and producer Greg runs a band called GB Collective. Last week, he told Boity that for him it was: bye-bye Mzansi!
 
Friends close to Boity and Greg told Sunday Sun she tried to convince Greg to stay. But his mind was made up!
 
It’s understood Greg was worried about the sexy photos Boity posts online.

A member of GB Collective said: “Greg told Boity she was embarrassing him by posting herself in swimsuits on Twitter and Instagram.”
 
A friend, who was at Greg’s farewell party at Moyo restaurant in Melrose Arch, Jozi last week, said: “He (Greg) felt Boity’s sexy body was attracting a lot of attention and Boity promised to dress in a proper manner.
 
“He told her he had already taken a decision to go to New York. Greg told Boity he wanted to start afresh – and far away from her. Boity is heartbroken. She feels she was the cause of the breakup. She wasn’t even at the farewell party,” said the insider.
 
The couple started showing their affection early this year on a bus to the Metro FM Awards in Durban.
 
It was reported at the time that Boity and Greg fondled and kissed each other without caring if anyone was looking.
 
Last month, the couple was spotted being all lovey-dovey at the Castle Lite Extra Cold Music Concert in Centurion.
 
A close friend of Boity’s told Sunday Sun: “Now that her boyfriend is gone, she’s miserable. She tells us she’ll be strong.
 
“She wants to focus on the Strictly Come Dancing show as that will help her deal with the loss,” Boity’s friend explained.
 
This week when Greg was sent questions in New York, he responded and wrote: “Boity and I have always been and remain good friends. Please, respect that. Thank you.”
 
Vusi Leeuw, Boity’s manager, said Boity is out of the country. Asked about the allegations, he said: “I don’t discuss Boity’s private life in the media. I’m willing to talk about the business side of things.” – Sunday Sun

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Nicki Minaj is Coming to S.A!!!!

GLOBAL HIP-HOP QUEEN NICKI MINAJ MAKES AFRICAN DEBUT TO HEADLINE THE CONTINENT’S BIGGEST MUSIC FESTIVAL, ‘TRIBEONE DINOKENG’ IN TSHWANE, SOUTH AFRICA THIS SEPTEMBER!!!

TribeOne Dinokeng music festival, being held from 26-28th September 2014, will be a first of its kind not just for South Africa, but Africa itself. With a line-up featuring over 150 artists performing on three main stages, it is already being billed as Africa’s biggest festival!

“To say we are thrilled to have such an amazing talent and global megastar such as Nicki Minaj take centre stage at TribeOne Dinokeng this year in the amazing City of Tshwane is a complete understatement.

“Fans have so much in store for them not only with Nicki’s first ever performance on the shores of the African continent but Nicki is preparing for an incredible new live performance set just for the legions of music-Tribes transcending the Cradle of Music in Tshwane this year at TribeOne,” says Jandre Louw, Founder and CEO of TribeOne Festivals and ROCKSTAR4000.

The festival will see the historic diamond-mining town of Cullinan, in the City of Tshwane in South Africa being taken over for the first musical journey of its kind on African shores. International, Pan African and South African artists will perform.

Megastar Nicki Minaj will be taking centre stage alongside Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, J Cole, Kid Ink, Keko, AKA, Xtatic, Khuli Chana, Naava Grey, Kwesta, Liquideep, Fally Ipupa, Redsan, Takeifa, Souadou, Ousmane, Ba’ponga and a range of other stars across the Diamond Fields (Hip-Hop and R&B), Thunder Valley (Rock and Pop) and Dance Village (EDM, Dubstep, etc) main stages.

“TribeOne Dinokeng continues to grow in stature with every announcement. Adding Nicki to an already incredible line up makes this a music experience no-one should miss. I personally can’t wait for September” says Sean Watson, Managing Director of Sony Music Entertainment Africa.

Minaj has earned numerous awards including seven BET AWARDS, four American Music Awards, one MTV European Music Award, Two American Music Awards, five Billboard Music Awards, and Billboard’s 2011 Rising Star award.

“This is is Nicki Minaj’s first time in Africa, let alone South Africa, and we are proud to be hosting a global megastar such as Nicki in our beautiful worldclass and dynamic city alongside stars from all over the world right here in Cullinan, Tshwane” says Tshwane City Manager Jason Ngobeni.

Ticketing information, hospitality packages, local and international travel packages, and accommodation options ensured to suit any pocket will be released in due course with the opportunity for fans to register for the early bird ticket sales discount currently in progress.

Official sponsors include: South African Tourism, Gauteng Tourism, Petra Diamonds and the Cullinan Diamond Mine.

Official TribeOne Dinokeng Global Media partners include: Metro FM, TRACE TV, Sound City Nigeria, Clouds Entertainment TV and Radio Tanzania, Capital FM Kenya, Media Nova Angola, Gabon Television, TeleAfrica, TV+, RTN, Urban FM, AfricaGroove, National Standard Media Group, Kiss 100, E Masters Entertainment, SanyuFM Uganda, NTV East Africa.

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Vodacom Durban July: Paledi Segapo

Men clothing designer, Paledi Segapo

Men clothing designer, Paledi Segapo

Durban – Whatever the occasion or ensemble, menswear designer Paledi Segapo firmly sticks to his fashion belief that “you should always be adorned in clothes that are in synch with your personality. Trying way too hard to emulate someone else’s fashion DNA can almost be like fashion suicide.”

The designer, entrepreneur, owner, and fashion columnist is enjoying his spot as one of this year’s eight Vodacom Durban July Invited Designers.

“Horseracing events are sophisticated, full of grandeur and are synonymous with fashion,” said the energetic Johannesburg designer. “It is for this reason that it is essential to be part of such an event filled with grandiose and style.”

Segapo has some magic up his sleeve for the high-end fashion. “Avoid fakes and rather opt for designer or bespoke choices.” And don’t forget to look down before you walk out, shoes can make or break your outfit.

“For an event of this nature, a true fashionista knows when to stay away from clothes that resemble those picked from a rail in a shop or clothes that scream costume,” expressed the daring designer.

This year’s “Big Screen” theme is a call back to the classic screen queens like Liz Taylor in Cleopatra or leading men like Robert De Niro in Casino.

“But please don’t think James Bond, the penguin look is so dull for horseracing events,” added Segapo.

Sagepo has carved a name for himself in the flashing lights of SA fashion since his genesis in 2007. His designs have a classic, modern, and provocative feel and in 2010 he established his own unique PALSE brand.

According to Segapo, fashion lovers wanting to beat the winter blues should pick colours like ox blood red, dark brown, beige and choose fabrics like velvet, tweed, tartan and milton.

Men trying to navigate their race day attire are in safe hands, just follow Segapo’s advice and you will be the star of the show.

The 2014 Vodacom Durban July will be staged at Greyville racecourse on Saturday 5 July 2014. More information can be found at http://www.vodacomdurbanjuly.co.za

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DJ Cleo Dumped His Father Like a Used Condom

DJ Cleo is busy gaining weight while his own dad can't even afford a loaf of brown bread

DJ Cleo is busy gaining weight while his own dad can’t even afford a loaf of brown bread

A loving father suffered to educate his boy. And the talented son became a millionaire. Then dumped his sick old father like a used condom!

“When I think of all the money I spent on his education, my heart bleeds. I’m heartbroken, because my rich son doesn’t give a rat’s arse about me!” said DJ Cleo’s dad, Samuel Monyepao (64).

His son is an award-winning producer, DJ and aspiring goalie. Samuel educated and supported him up to the age of 25, when the boy was still known as Tlou Cleopas Monyepao.

He brags about his achievements as DJ Cleo, while his one-legged diabetic dad lives in filth with nothing to eat.
When Sunday Sun visited Samuel in Bochum, Limpopo, he said: “The last time he was here he brought me a bucket of KFC. And this is the man who owns 10 houses in Joburg and more than a dozen cars.

“Tlou (DJ Cleo) never visited me in hospital after my right leg was cut off. If I call him, he tells me he is busy and gets angry when I ask to see my grandchildren.

“He knows the troubles I have – with no iron, heater or kettle, let alone enough food to eat,” said the suffering mkhulu.

Recently, DJ Cleo did a live broadcast from a Limpopo regional radio station. Samuel heard him on the show and had this to say: “He was talking about his soccer career and being a biker. I was really hurt when he didn’t even bother to set foot in my yard to see how I was doing.” 

A well-informed source said Cleo forgot about his dad after his parents’ marriage ended in Springs and Samuel moved back to Bochum.

A family member, who asked to remain anonymous, said: “Tlou never visited his dad in hospital and the last time he came to visit him he never even asked what happened to his dad’s missing leg. Samuel has diabetes and his leg had to be amputated.”

When called for comment, DJ Cleo didn’t want to talk. He just dropped the phone. And he never responded to SMSes the SunTeam sent him about his dad’s plight. – Sunday Sun

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Vodacom Durban July Invited Designers Thrive on Movie Theme

Durban – Eight of South Africa’s most celebrated designers pulled out all the stops to wow the excited crowds with their interpretation of this year’s Vodacom Durban July theme “The Big Screen” at the Vodacom Durban July Invited Designer showcase presented by LIPSY, LONDON.

The annual Vodacom Durban July fashion Experience is the highlight for any fashionista and audiences were dipped into a pool of classic cinema for the night.

The Vodacom Durban July Invited Designer Showcase followed a dazzling fashion show by the ten finalists for the Vodacom Durban July Young designer Award and the Vodacom Durban July Fashion Challenge.

Loved fashion designer Kathrin Kidger used old Hollywood glamour combined with the Rita Hayworths and Marilyn Monroes of this world as her outfit inspirations. “These glamorous icons were silver screen beauties and I decided to choose fabrics that were soft in colour and had some fringing.”

Paledi Segapo, one of the two Johannesburg designers in this year’s star-studded showcase, explained how; “Queen Elizabeth was my Big Screen inspiration. I used fabrics like brocades, Thai raw silk, and lace to capture the essence of Queen Elizabeth.”

Casey Jeanne wasn’t inspired by one particular movie but, “Took pieces of inspiration from Game of Thrones and Frozen.” The designer best known for her wonderful wedding creations used different shades of whites and embellished lace as some of the elements in her romantic designs.

The streets of Brooklyn and the underworld of the mafia was dashing designer’s Andre Martin’s Big Screen inspiration. “I tried to incorporate the street vibe into something more glamorous using fabrics like PU leather and tracksuit fabric.”

Iconic designer David Tlale chose his own story as the vision behind his African styled designs. “I based them on my fashion movie that I‘m releasing in November which is a snippet of the life of David Tlale in South Africa and taking the brand to the global market. I chose purple, the colour of royalty, which is what David Tlale stands for.”

“I knew immediately that Breakfast in Tiffany’s was my big screen inspiration!” explained Durban designer Vino Moodley. “I just love Aubrey Hepburn! I took the iconic pearl necklace and transformed it into another feature on the dress.”

Karen Monk Klijnstra chose a movie icon that spoke to her own quirky design style. “The movie Freda was my muse. The way she dressed and her fashion colour and texture, she was just perfect.”

Fashion lovers can catch a first-hand glimpse of these ensembles on the Action Stage at Greyville Racecourse at the Vodacom Durban July on July 5.
The 2014 Vodacom Durban July will be staged at Greyville racecourse on Saturday 5 July 2014. More information can be found at http://www.vodacomdurbanjuly.co.za

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X-Factor SA: Johannesburg Auditions

One of the world’s biggest and most successful singing competitions, The X Factor, is coming to South African TV screens from 6 September 2014.

Broadcast on SABC 1, the format created by media mogul Simon Cowell, has produced some of the biggest singing sensations today – from Leona Lewis, to One Direction.

The next stop for auditions will take place in Johannesburg, on Saturday 21st June and Sunday 22nd June. The auditions will take place at the The Pyramid Venue, with registration open from 8am and closing at 1pm on both days.

Aspirant contestants can go to xfactor.sabc1.co.za for entry details and online registrations.

Auditions are open to anyone who is over 16 and who is either singing solo or as part of a group. No bands are allowed and groups must have two or more singers.

For the South African winner a recording contract with Sony Music and R300 000.00 prize money awaits at the grand finale in Durban on December 13.

Online auditions for The X Factor have opened; with national location auditions underway.

The X Factor South Africa will be broadcast over 15 weeks – with seven pre recorded shows covering all the drama of the auditions, boot camp and home visits with eight live gala shows from Durban.

The X Factor South Africa is brought to you by SABC 1 in association with the KZN Department of Economic Development and Tourism, and produced by Rapid Blue who have successfully produced the format in West Africa.

The next stops for auditions:
– 25 June Nelspruit Mbombela Stadium
– 28 June Pietermaritzburg The Royal Show Grounds.

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Lesbian Dog Undergoes World’s First Ever Pet Sex Change

When Charlene Walker adopted her pug, Jazzy, from a local pug rescue, she was elated to be bringing home the newest addition to her family.

However, almost immediately after they arrived home, Charlene began to notice that there was something peculiar about her cuddly canine friend.

“Whenever we took Jazzy to the dog park she would only play with male dogs whereas she always attempted to mount other female dogs. At home, she was very despondent. She seemed to be trying to communicate something, but I just couldn’t understand what it was.”

That’s when Charlene chose to take Jazzy to Holistic Veterinary Solutions, in Long Beach, California.

Holistic Veterinary Solutions is known for being a state of the art veterinary practice, yet they have also gained a somewhat questionable reputation for administering rather unconventional treatments as well. Some of these services include acupuncture, massage, chakra cleansing and past-life healing for animals, along with several other scientifically unfounded therapeutic procedures.

Doctor Autumn Shale, who has been the head veterinarian at the practice since 2001, was the first to consult Charlene about Jazzy’s unique condition.

After an extensive examination which included a hypnotism session, it was determined that Jazzy had been suffering from gender dysphoria; Meaning, Jazzy was a male dog trapped in a female dog’s body.

“It all suddenly began to make sense”, Charlene told National Report, “Everything about Jazzy’s behavior indicated that this was a spot-on diagnosis. I immediately scheduled her sexual reassignment surgery for the following week.”

To our knowledge, Holistic Veterinary Solutions is currently the only veterinary practice to have carried out this complex and controversial procedure.

The clinic has come under fire recently for merging approved veterinary techniques with progressive, new age practices. Many find their methods to be unethical and have petitioned to the state veterinary board to have the facility shut down and their doctors banned from practicing any form of veterinary medicine in the future.

The clinic’s lead veterinarian had this to say in regards to her practice. “Animal sex reassignment is an essential service. Before it was available, many pets had to suffer through life as the incorrect gender. We are proud to offer these cutting-edge advantages to our clients, which promotes the ultimate in wellness and well-being for their pets. There is really no reason our fuzzy friends should not be comfortable in their own fur.”

As for the Pug formerly known as “Jazzy”, he now goes by the more gender-appropriate name of “Jake”. His owner Charlene reports that the miraculous transformation has been a complete success.

“You would have never guessed he spent the last two months healing from the extensive surgical procedures he’s had to undergo, on top of the hormone replacement therapy. He’s so happy and joyful now. It’s like he’s the dog he was meant to be all along.”

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Jub Jub Jail Sex Shock

JAILBIRD Jub Jub needed sex. So he made a plan to satisfy his powerful urge behind bars…

BUT WARDERS REPORTEDLY CAUGHT HIM GIVING HIS NYATSI A CORRECTIONAL SERVICE!

After the alleged bonk bust, inmate Molemo “Jub Jub” Maarohanye won’t be finding love so easily. Because authorities moved him from Joburg Prison, aka “Sun City” to the tougher Leeuwkop Correctional Centre!

The alleged incident took place about two weeks ago inside a Sun City office during an award ceremony. 

It’s alleged Jub Jub had a super-heated “sika lekhekhe” session with a female visitor. The mystery woman and Jub Jub couldn’t hold back their desire according to a prison official who spoke to Sunday Sun on condition of anonymity.

The source claimed: “The loud screams and raunchy sounds gave them away and they were caught in action.”

Another warder alleged that Jub Jub was supposed to entertain inmates and visitors. But he vanished before the performance.
 
A further insider claimed: “Later on there was an exchange of words between Jub Jub and the warder who caught him.”
 
An inmate, who is known to the People’s Paper, said: “Last Tuesday he was removed from his cell – kicking and screaming – and taken to Leeuwkop prison.”
 
He added: “Jub Jub gets preferential treatment. I’ve been cleaning in the offices of the prison but I’m still treated like an animal.”
 
A senior prison official said Jub Jub had it coming because he’d been enjoying too many privileges inside the prison.

“It’s not the first we hear of such incidents. I think top officials were pressurised to move him out because of reports about Jub Jub’s easy life inside,” he said.
 
Last week, the Department of Correctional Services’ Zodwa Mtsweni confirmed that on 21 May the Joburg Correctional Centre Medium C had an award ceremony at the centre’s courtyard to honour offenders who had achieved well academically.
 
“Offender Molemo Maarohanye was not scheduled to entertain the audience,” she told the People’s Paper.
 
Asked about Jub Jub’s move to Leeuwkop, Mtsweni stated: “The transfer of offender Molemo Maarohanye to Leeuwkop Maximum was part of an overcrowding management process.
 
“Therefore, it has no bearing on allegations that he was transferred due to an alleged incident,” she told Sunday Sun.

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BREAKING: ANC to Launch New Church Called ANCC

(PIC) Millions of ANC supporters will most likely join the ANC Church

(PIC) Millions of ANC supporters will most likely join the ANC Church

JOHANNESBURG – The late Dr. Nelson Mandela once uttered the idea of forming the world’s first political church, but following rife criticism by well respected men of the cloth, this idea went belly-up, indefinitely.

Today, six feet under and many full moons later, Tata’s ill-fated dream may soon be resuscitated. According to an ongoing investigation by the Sunday Time, very productive back-and-forth meetings have been [secretly] held between prominent leaders of the ANC and the National Council of Churches, the key agenda being the formation of a new political church affectionately named ANCC (or African National Congress Church).

The core objective of the ANCC, as furnished on its constitution, will be “to fulfill the spiritual needs of ANC’s staunch supporters while spreading the gospel through politics”. It is alleged that the new church will most likely be build in Soweto, with smaller satellite branches to mushroom across South Africa. The newly ordained priest and SABC boss, Hlaudi ‘Matricless’ Motsoeneng, is said to be the most likely candidate for the bishophood seat.

If that is not shocking enough, insiders claim that the next five years will see the birth of “Brand ANC”, which will ultimately steer the ANC from being just a political party, to being an “economic party” laced under a holding company.

“This is actually true. I can confirm that I have attended presentations where proposals ranging from having an ANC airline, ANC franchised restaurants and ANC department stores were pitched,” said an impeccable source within Luthuli House, who pleaded anonymity for fear of being reduced to a laughable portfolio like Pravin Gordhan.

The source added; “The ANCC will be the next big thing after ZCC. With our colors being black, green and gold, you will be forgiven for confusing our church attire for that of the ZCC.”

Another highly placed source claimed that following the DA/EFF television Ad furor, the ruling party even flirted with the egocentric idea of changing SABC to ANCBC (African National Congress Broadcasting Corporation), but the bulldozing concept was shot down by industry regulators, ICASA and BCCSA.

The ANC is no stranger to political lobbying in churches. In fact, a leaked financial audit dictates that almost thirty percent of the party’s recent voting campaign budget was spend on church campaigning, while the remaining percentage was blown on things like branding luxury cars, throwing lavish parties and paying prostitutes for “services rendered”.

When pressed for comment, ANC’s newly appointed spin doctor, Zizi Kodwa, said an official statement will only be released when the time is right, and once all loose ends have been tightened up, indicative that there’s some kernel of truth to the ANC church rumor.

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PHOTOS: Gays of Professional Soccer

…Ok, maybe these professional footballers are not gay (one can never be too sure these days), but roving lenses caught them in compromising positions that were so gay and funny, we just had to share!!!

Please note that this post is intended for adult users over the age of 18. Should you be underage, go to your room and study for your upcoming June exams, NOW!!!!

“Oooh sh*t Ronaldo, you blow sooo good…”

“How about a quicky during halftime? Do you spit or swallow?”

“Come on… Don’t be shy… Let me feel how big it is”

“I want you NOW!!! Let’s quickly go to the bathroom”

“Oooh babe! Faster faster… deeper deeper!!”

“Babe I’m coming… I’m coming… I’m coming… Aaaahhhh!!!”

“Come here you sexy thing. I love you sugar…”

“I’m about to put it in babe… Do you like it rough or gentle?”

“Shuuu babe that was good, I want another round”

(LEFT) “I’m happy to see you my love, I missed you!” (RIGHT) “Let’s go bro! Leave that slut”

“Relax babe… I’ll be gentle, I promise…”

“I can’t help it. I wanna kiss you sooo passionately!!!”

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AKA “Too Good” for a Toyota Corolla

South African music ace AKA was left fuming this weekend after the organisers of the grand opening of Chez Ntemba night club allegedly attempted to use a Toyota Corolla in transporting him to the venue in Kabulonga, Zambia.

Although the rapper stays in a modest open-plan flat next to the noisy Bree taxi rank, downtown Johannesburg, and doesn’t even drive a million dollar car himself, he was not shy to express his displeasure and lashed out at the organisers on twitter.

“We are in the business of image and branding… Don’t F*** my sh’t Up,” tweeted a seemingly agitated AKA.

The vehicle is one of Zambia’s most common automobiles & according to some unofficial statistics, two out of every five cars parked at a given spot is a Toyota Corolla and in most instances used as a Taxi.

The organisers of the show had by press time not responded to AKA’s twitter rant. – Mwebantu New Media

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Liquideep is Splitting! #PoorMichelle Calls it Quits!!!

Liquideep duo Ziyon Hamilton (left) and #PoorMichelle (right) at the Metro FM Music Awards

Liquideep duo Ziyon Hamilton (left) and #PoorMichelle (right) at the Metro FM Music Awards

The award-winning house duo consisting of Jonathan “Ziyon” Hamilton, who is a vocalist and #PoorMichelle, who is a DJ and producer, is on the verge of splitting.

According to Daily Sun, the duo shot to fame in 2009 with a hot single called Fairytale, which cemented them into the music scene as a household name. Last Saturday, Liquideep performed at Carnival City, Brakpan, without #PoorMichelle.

Daily Sun contacted #PoorMichelle (alias Thabo ‘Ryzor’ Shokgolo), who confirmed the split. 

“The whole issue came from my side. I know my decision wasn’t taken well by the band,” #PoorMichelle allegedly said. 

According to #PoorMichelle, it’s not a “split”, but rather a type of growth as he’s tired of being Ziyon’s shadow and will be busy on the production side of things.

“As you saw last weekend at the event, I wasn’t there. I pulled back because there couldn’t be a better time to leave Liquideep than the present. 

“There is no bad blood between Ziyon and I,” said #PoorMichelle. 

Daily Sun has learnt Ziyon will release his solo album, Audio Alchemy, in July this year.

Ziyon said: “With regards to Liquideep, we’re both taking different directions, both personally and career wise. 

“Naturally, this affects things moving forward. Though I do feel that there’s a lot of positive things that will come from this new endeavour.” – Daily Sun

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I’m Not HIV Positive – Says KO from Teargas

(Centre, in all white) KO's weight loss has got tongues wagging

SHOCKING: KO’s (centre, in all white) weight loss has gotten tongues wagging

It seems loosing weight in Mzansi is enough to start an unfounded HIV rumour. It was first DJ Sbu, followed by Somizi, then Mika Stefano who lost weight sooo drastically, he’s beginning to look like a melting candle, and Gesh Conco, who apparently vanished to the States to join New York au-pair of the year award winner in the diaper-changing category, Chichi Letsoalo.

Twitter has been in overdrive since the picture of Teargas members surfaced, with many speculating that rapper and Cashtime/Teargas superstar, KO, may be HIV positive.

If you look on Twitter, you’ll see that the terms “R Mashesha” “Teargas” and “Your HIV status” are trending and have been for a few days.

KO’s manager, Thabiso Khati, was quick to dismiss the rumours.

“KO gyms and cycles everyday, he used to be chunky but he’s now in good shape… He doesn’t drink or smoke or anything…

“In fact, KO is never shy to share his workout pictures on Twitter and Instagram and encourages living a healthy lifestyle. There’s no story here,” Thabiso allegedly told Zalebs.

To keep the rumour mill at bay, KO has promptly gone for a rapid HIV test which revealed, once and for all, that he’s in fact HIV negative. He has since posted evidence on all his social media pages for the world to see.

KO's HIV test results reveal that he's indeed negative

KO’s HIV test results reveal that he’s indeed negative

In the words of our editor-in-chief and seasoned philanthropist, Bassito Panache;

“There’s an African proverb which says; ‘Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt’. While you are busy diagnosing others, do you know your very own HIV status???”

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Miguel and French Montana to Perform at the 2014 MTV Africa Music Awards

DURBAN – African music and youth lifestyle brand MTV Base (DStv Channel 322) has revealed that hip hop hit-maker French Montana is to join the line-up for the 2014 MTV Africa Music Awards (MAMA).

The critically acclaimed hip hop star will be performing at the global celebration of African music, talent and youth culture, taking place on 7 June at the ICC in Durban, KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa.

The MTV Africa Music Awards is brought to you by KwaZulu-Natal Province in association with Absolut & The City of Durban. South Africa Tourism is also a key partner for the MAMA.

French Montana joins the star-studded line-up of previously announced African artists, including Miguel, Davido, Mafikizolo, Uhuru, Flavour, Oskido and Tiwa Savage, in the stunning music event and live telecast that will be broadcast around the world on MTV, MTV Base, BET International and affiliate stations.

Commented Alex Okosi, Senior Vice President & Managing Director, Viacom International Media Networks Africa, “We are thrilled that French Montana will be joining Miguel and Africa’s most exciting contemporary artists in KwaZulu-Natal in June for the MTV Africa Music Awards. MAMA 2014 is on track to be the most exciting music awards ceremony ever staged on the African continent.”

Celebrating musicians and achievers who have made the most impact on African youth culture throughout the year, MAMA 2014 takes place at the ICC, Durban, South Africa on Saturday 7 June. For the first time ever, the awards is premiering LIVE across Africa on MTV Base (DStv Channel 322) and MTV (DStv Channel 130) at 21:00 CAT.

The 2014 MAMA is set to feature stunning performances from African and international artists, including the awards’ signature collaborations between artists of different genres and cultures – a high point of every show. The show will be amplified on radio by media partners Gagasi FM, Yfm and Capricorn FM.

Nominees from the length and breadth of sub-Saharan Africa are represented in the nominations for this year’s music categories, including 2Face, AKA, Amani, Amr Singh, Anselmo Ralph, Arielle T, Beatenberg, Big Nuz, Burna Boy, Chidinma, Clarence Peters, Danny K, Davido, Diamond, DJ Buckz, DJ Clock, DJ C’ndo, DJ Ganyani, DJ Kent, The Arrows, Donald, Don Jazzy, Dr Malinga, Dr Sid, Efya, Espoir 2000, Fally Ipupa, FB, Ferre Gola, Flavour, Fuse ODG, Gangs of Ballet, Goldfish, Heavy K, Ice Prince, JD, KCEE, Khuli Chana, Kyle Lewis, LCNVL, Lizha James, Mafikizolo, Matthew Mole, May D, Mi Casa, Michael Lowman, Nakhane Toure, Nelson Freitas, Olamide, Oskido, P Square, Professor, The Parlotones, Phyno, Radio and Weasel, R2bees, Sarkodie, Sauti Sol, Shortstraw, Stanley Enow, Tiwa Savage, Toofan, Uhuru, Wizkid, Youssoupha, Yuri Da Cunha and Zakes Bantwini.

In this year’s newly introduced lifestyle award categories, Chimamanda Adiche, Omotola Jalade Ekeinde, Trevor Noah, Lupita Nyong’o and Yaya Toure are nominated for Personality of the Year. Clarence Peters, Leti Arts, Rasty and Anisa Mpungwe are nominated in Transform Today by Absolut.

The nominees for the MTV Base Leadership award and Best International are still to be revealed.

With hundreds of thousands of votes already cast, public voting for 2014 MTV Africa Music Awards continues online at http://www.mtvbase.com until midnight on 4 June 2014. The winners of the MTV Base Leadership Award and Best Video are chosen exclusively by MTV Base. Voting for Song of the Year continues up until the show on 7 June.

Tickets for the 2014 MTV Africa Music Awards KwaZulu-Natal are on sale at http://www.computicket.com, on 0861 915 8000 and at Computicket retail outlets. Seated tickets cost R450 (incl. VAT) while general access (standing) tickets are R200 (incl. VAT).

For more information on the MTV Africa Music Awards KwaZulu-Natal supported by Absolut & The City of Durban, please go http://www.mtvbase.com.

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Are You An Upcoming Artist Ready To PR Your Brand?

We understand how frustrating it must be trying to get your name out there and having to rely on social networks to do so.

No matter the amount of likes and retweets you receive, your brand is still going nowhere slowly, which tends to knock your confidence down and drives you to start questioning your talent.

The harsh reality is; until you rise to Khuli Chana, AKA or even Black Coffee’s level of stardom, mainstream media will always give more attention to established artists, no matter the amount of press releases you flood on journalists mailboxes. Simply put, mainstream media is a numbers game – no publication, TV or radio show will risk their stats on a total unknown.

But do not despair nor give up yet!!

We are very excited to announce Featured Artist, a new category our tongue-wagging blog has created with you in mind. This category will profile your talent to over a million of our digital audience, some of whom are TV and radio producers, journalists, and music stable executives. Who knows what may happen post reading an article about YOU?

Let us propel your name to a state of visibility and Google’ability. Feel free to talk to us about that compelling article you want us to publish about YOU!

All related questions can be directed to info@lifestyletabloids.co.za.

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Some of Orlando Pirates Players are Gay – Admits Coach

Following a social media uproar over a naked picture of Orlando Pirates players [alias Orlando Queers] taken moments after their Nedbank Cup victory, coach Vladimir Vermezovic has jokingly urged soccer fans to “keep calm and come out of the closet”.

The frenzy comes amid wide-spread rumors of four Orlando Pirates players coming out as gay, substantiated by damning Instagram pictures of the players touching, cuddling and posing in a manner strictly forbidden by the Leviticus scripture.

“I do acknowledge that some of my players have disclosed to being gay, but this is a private matter which should be treated with the kind of sensitivity it deserves. What my players do behind closed doors is none of my business, as long as they perform on the field,” coach Vermezovic told a Soccer Ladumo journalist.

Although Vermezovic bluntly refused to “name-and-shame” who his gay players where, he admitted that homosexual acts amongst football peers was a norm in camp.

Mamelodi Sundowns coach, Pitso Mosimane, shared the same sentiments, but asserts that this is a “closely guarded secret” in professional football.

With U.S President Barack Obama endorsing and congratulating actors, wrestlers, singers and basketball players currently coming out as gay in America, the same cannot be said in South Africa. However, it is very applaudable and exciting to see that the gay stigma is slowly shifting away.

In the words of our editor-in-chief and seasoned philanthropist, Bassito Panache;

“Sometimes what we hate in others is what we hate in ourselves. Homophobes are often those battling to accept their own homosexuality. Living a lie is not living at all.”

For the latest in “too-shocking-to-be-true” news, do follow us

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DStv Delicious Festival

English celebrity chef Rachel Khoo will be cooking up a storm alongside local favourites Jenny Morris and Siba Mtongana at the DStv Delicious International Food and Music Festival, which is set to sizzle at Emmarentia Dam on 31 May 2014.

A smorgasbord of gourmet delights – including cooking demonstrations, pop-up restaurants and an artisan food market – awaits Joburg residents at this family-friendly outdoor lifestyle event, presented in association with Castle Milk Stout, Nedbank, Whirlpool, Mitsubishi Motors and Kaya FM.

For the first time, the DStv Delicious International Food & Music Festival plays proud host to the MasterChef South Africa Kitchen, in association with Woolworths. This will form the perfect appetiser to the third season of this popular reality cooking series, to be broadcast on M-Net later in the year.

The 100 seater pop up restaurant will be headed up by chef Benny Masekwameng and a number of our favourite past contestants including Kamini Pather. The menu will comprise a number of our favourite dishes from past series and a three course meal will cost R550 per person.

Leading British music acts the Brand New Heavies, Soul II Soul and Incognito are also on the menu at this daylong feast of food and music, aimed at those with a sense of adventure and a passion for the tastier side of life.

Explains Colleen Goodman, Head of Retention Marketing for DStv: “We understand that on some days you may feel like something rustic, fresh and simple and on others crave a cheeseburger and fries followed by a scoop of indulgent ice-cream.

“The festival will provide gourmet food shopping as well as Michelin dining, staying true to DStv’s promise of giving you so much more than you expect.”

In addition, Food Network will be present with cooking demonstrations from local foodie favourites and TV presenters Jenny Morris and Siba Mtongana in ‘Food Network Cooks Delicious’.

Come through for the chance to sample some of the dishes from Siba’s Table and Jenny Morris Cooks the Riviera, and also rub shoulders with TV personality Denvor Phokaners as he hosts a cook-off competition. Inspired by Chopped and judged by Jenny and Siba, subscribers can enter online to win a place in the mystery basket cook off.

The associate festival partner, Castle Milk Stout, will be creating rich moments to be savoured, offering festival-goers the opportunity to be hosted by the renowned Vicky Crease (Vicky Crease catering & events) who will guide them through a four-course beer and food pairing experience.

In keeping with the family theme, there will be a Boomerang-themed play area for the kids, plus live shows throughout the day.

Gates open at 11am. General admission for the DStv Delicious Festival is R450, Delicious Lounge pass tickets: R850 – Includes Tented lounge, viewing deck of main stage, private cash bar, golden circle entrance, secure parking and VIP bathrooms.

DStv Delicious Luxury Lounge hospitality packages are available at R2900 each. R100 for under-12s; free entrance for children under three. Visit www.computicket.com or phone 0861 915 8000 to book.

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Wedding Bells for Vusi Nova and Gay Lover

A journey to musical success has been a hard one for Eastern Cape born nightingale Vusi Nova, and now that the planets have finally lined up for him, he is ready to scratch his name off the bachelors list.

The Vusi Nova and Joseph Safra rumor mill has been churning for months now. This time, it is alleged that the two secret lovebirds are planning the mother of all gay weddings to formalise their ten-year-old vat-en-sit romance. The wedding will allegedly take place later this year in the Island of Comoros.

In keeping up with traditional values, it is alleged that Vusi Nova’s family have requested Safra to pay lobola for their famous I’d-Rather-Go-Blind “daughter” and negotiations are already underway.

According to Sunday World, Joseph Safra is an alleged conman claiming to be the son of a Brazilian banker who is the 46th-richest man in the world with a net worth of over R160-billion on the Forbes richest list.

Safra has allegedly scammed a number of people in the past by making them pay a fee after promising them work in his company, Safra SA Investments.

They would allegedly be offered jobs with packages of up to R65000 per month. The jobs apparently came with fancy company cars.

The prospective employees were allegedly made to pay 10% of the vehicle’s purchase price as part of the agreement. But after paying, they were left jobless and out of pocket.

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SHOCKING: Gay People Allowed To Participate In The Zulu Reed Dance Ceremony

Durban – In a quest to send a very strong message against homophobia and cultural exclusion on the basis of sexual orientation, a resolution has been passed by the South African national assembly allowing gay people to participate in the annual Zulu reed dance.

This controversial move, which is bound to make Shaka Zulu turn in his grave, has been surprisingly welcomed by “reformed homophobe” King Goodwill Zwelithini as his way of extending an olive branch to the gay community at large.

“A lot of uneducated opinions where expressed on what makes a person istabane (gay)… But seeing that there is no concrete evidence on what makes a person straight either, the monarchy has concluded that both sexual orientations are unexplainable acts of nature,” the honorable Zwelithini told reporters.

King Goodwill Zwelithini added that this decision was very important in ensuring abstinence until marriage, ultimately capping the alarming rate of HIV infections within the gay community.

Although the Zulu king is still unclear on how virginity testing will be conducted on gay men, he assumes it will be done “from the back”.

South Africa, which boasts one of the most liberal constitutions in the world, passed a law allowing same-sex couples to legally marry in 2006. South Africa is the fifth country, the first (and only) in Africa, the first in the southern hemisphere, and the second outside Europe to legalise same-sex marriage.

Iko Mash, a celebrity drag queen and makeup artist, said s/he will be participating in the reed dance.

“Although I shave my manly face everyday and have very strong jaw-lines, big feet, and need to “tuck-it-in” most of the time – I look in the mirror and see a beautiful black woman. In fact, I’m often confused for a Nigerian woman, especially in Lagos,” joked Iko Mash.

“I have been saving myself for the right man and many believe I’m lying like Kelly Khumalo. Going for virginity testing will prove that, and hopefully the right guy will come my way,” Iko added.

Iko Mash says s/he hopes that Swaziland will follow suit in allowing drag queens to participate in the reed dance. This, s/he added, will bring her closer to realising her ultimate dream of being a real queen.

Should Swaziland allow this highly unlikely dream, Iko is adamant that s/he will be amongst thousands of “women” picked by King Mswati for a hand in marriage, and the two will live happily ever after in their Lozitha royal palace in Mbabane, Swaziland.

In South Africa, the ceremony Umkhosi woMhlanga takes place every year in September, at the Enyokeni Royal Palace in Nongoma, KwaZulu Natal. The girls come from all parts of Zululand, and in recent years there are also smaller groups from Swaziland, as well as more distant places such as Botswana and Pondoland.

All girls are required to undergo a virginity test before they are allowed to participate in a royal dance, though in recent years the testing practice has been met with some opposition.

The girls wear traditional attire, including beadwork, and ‘izigege’ and ‘izinculuba’ that show their bottoms. They also wear anklets, bracelets, necklaces, and colourful sashes. Each sash has appendages of a different colour, which denote whether or not the girl is betrothed.

As part of the ceremony, the young women dance bare-breasted for their king, and each carries a long reed, which is then deposited as they approach the king. The girls take care to choose only the longest and strongest reeds, and then carry them towering above their heads in a slow procession, up the hill to the palace.

The procession is led by the chief Zulu princess, who takes a prominent role throughout the festival. If the reed should break before the girl reaches that point, it is considered to signal that the girl has already been sexually active.

The ceremony was reintroduced by King Goodwill Zwelethiniin 1991, as a means to encourage young Zulu girls to delay sexual activity until marriage, and thus limiting the possibility of HIV transmission. In 2007, about 30,000 girls took part in the event.

The organisers of the ceremony have occasionally enforced strict rules on photographers, as some of them have been accused of publishing the pictures on pornographic websites.

In past years, the event was attended by the President of South Africa, Jacob Zuma, and then Premier of KwaZulu Natal, Zweli Mkhize.

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BREAKING NEWS: National Police Commissioner Suspended For Being Born A Man

(PIC) SA national police commissioner, Bra Victor Phiyega

(PIC) SA national police commissioner, Bra Victor Phiyega

She was born in Polokwane, a city housed in a province which has eighty percent of their women looking like men. So when she was introduced as the new National Police Commissioner by President Jacob Zuma, South Africans didn’t pay much attention to her [rather masculine] appearance. She was from Limpopo, after all.

But according to a newspaper report published this afternoon, Riah Phiyega has been [secretly] put on special leave pending an investigation about her true gender. It has emerged that she was actually born a man.

“The national police commissioner was born a Victor Phiyega, not a Victoria Riah Phiyega as she claims,” the newspaper article read in part.

The article breathlessly described Phiyega’s childhood as a little boy who loved playing “skotch” barefooted in the dusty streets of Polokwane, along with damning quotes from Phiyega’s alleged childhood friends who confirmed the worst; she was once a he.

Questions around Phiyega’s true gender has been whispered across SAPS corridors, with many calling her “the Castor Semenya of politics”.

Although a statement issued by Riah Phiyega’s office did not confirm nor deny her suspension, they have undermined the credibility of the allegations.

“South Africans, particularly black women, still have a long way to go in embracing who they are… If you are not light enough, or prefer your hair short and natural, and don’t like wearing makeup, you are therefore given all kinds of derogatory names.

“We pray for the day when women will wake up and realise that beauty cannot sustain them. With her dark skin and short natural hair, Victoria Riah Phiyega defied her poor background to become one of the world’s most educated and powerful women. She is Africa’s very first female national police commissioner – a level most of her Barbie-doll critics will never achieve in this lifetime,” read the strong-worded statement.

Riah Phiyega received a BA degree in Social Work from the University of the North, a BA Hons degree in Social Sciences from Unisa, an MA degree in Social Sciences from the University of Johannesburg and a postgraduate diploma in Business Administration from the University of Wales in Cardiff.

She was a Group Executive at Absa Bank Limited, a board member of Absa Actuaries and trustee of the Absa Foundation. She was also a Group Executive at Transnet and served on numerous Transnet subsidiaries.

Phiyega was part of a team of senior executives who were responsible for the restructuring of the old Portnet into two major separate entities: Port Operations and Port Authority.

Subsequent to the above restructuring, she became part of the Executive of the National Ports Authority of South Africa. She served as Director for Development at the National Council for Child Welfare. She spent a few years at the Chamber of Mines as an employee well-being consultant.

Prior to joining the South African Police Service, she was appointed as Chairperson of the Presidential State-Owned Enterprise Review Committee. The Committee was tasked with the responsibility of reviewing State-Owned Entities and to make recommendations for their future repositioning.

Phiyega was the Vice Chairperson for the Independent Commission for Remuneration of Public Office Bearers.

She chaired the Road Traffic Management Corporation Investigation Task Team which looked into maladministration, corruption and poor corporate governance. The task team made major intervention and restructuring recommendations to the Minister of Transport, assisting to improve the corporation.

Phiyega has served in other significant national structures, which included serving as a board member of the 2010 Bid Committee that managed the hosting of the 2010 FIFA World Cup by South Africa and as commissioner for the Road Accident Fund Commission led by Judge Satchwell and grandmother.

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This Year’s Vodacom Durban July Theme

Durban – The bright lights of showbiz are beckoning at this year’s Vodacom Durban July.

Following the announcement of the 2014 fashion theme “The Big Screen” some of the country’s most iconic designers are gathering movie-themed fashion inspiration from all over the globe, and are predicting to fashionistas and race-goers that July 5 will be a day filled with movie magic and sophisticated glamour with Bollywood, Hollywood and Nollywood as the underlying themes.

Popular Durban designer Kathrin Kidger envisions “The Big Screen” theme to be very much about an innate sense of glamour. “The three things that continuously shine through are Hollywood, Bollywood and Nollywood. This year we can expect to see garments that are inspired by film stars of the past and present,” said Kidger.

“Bollywood is also trending right now and I expect to see a lot of woman in traditional dress,” she added. Durban designer Bianca Warren also forecasts the Hollywood trend running through the threads, “It’s about old school Hollywood glam. Style, sophistication and timeless elegant red carpet wear,” said Warren.

Classic colours are key for the young designer and Warren suggests choosing formal long evening gowns in dark maroons champagnes, greys, navy and blacks. “Opulence, lux and lavish!” sums up what established designer Casey Jeanne imagines when she thinks of “The Big Screen”.

“Think exceptionally sophisticated with a focus on superior detailing and finishes.” Casey recommends race-goers invest in longer hems, dramatic silhouettes, intricate details, superior fabrics and of course, Hollywood glamour.

But be wary not to take the theme too far, says Tiffany Prior, Fashion Programme Director of the Vodacom Durban July. The style guru warns not to come dressed as a movie character but to rather subtly interpret the theme.“Research and interpret what you love about a certain character, movie, or era of movies. It should then be very easy to dress appropriately for race day,” said Prior.

The 2014 Vodacom Durban July will be staged at Greyville racecourse on Saturday 5 July 2014. More information can be found at http://www.vodacomdurbanjuly.co.za.

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Somizi’s Lover Attempts Suicide

(PIC) Africa's grandmother of gays, Somizi Mhlongo. He was born the same year as Abigail Kubeka

(PIC) Africa’s grandmother of gays, Somizi Mhlongo. He was born the same year as Abigail Kubeka

NOTHING lasts forever – not even great love…

And when Somizi Mhlongo’s relationship went up in smoke after four years, he dumped his boyfriend.

But grief nearly turned to tragedy when the broken-hearted Themba allegedly swallowed a whole bottle of pills to end the beating of his sad heart for evermore!

The People’s Paper understands that Themba (24) was emotionally destroyed to learn that his gay lover’s passion for him had finally cooled. He slumped into a deep depression.

So he decided to bring his life to an abrupt halt by giving his system a huge dose of mixed pills. Sunday Sun insiders said Themba tried to commit suicide and die for love in Somizi’s penthouse, downtown Jozi.

One source said: “The problem started because Themba was a double adapter! He was also dating a woman and had decided to go back to her. 

“Somizi didn’t take the rejection kindly but things returned back to normal for a while. 

“The pair went on a luxurious trip to Durban in December. But things then started to fall apart again when they came back,” said the source. 

The insider added: “Themba felt rejected because Somizi was too busy with work and his BFF Bonang. 

“So he took a bunch of pills and drank it. We’re not sure if he was trying to kill himself – or if he simply wanted Somizi’s attention.”

Another source said Somizi didn’t have time and suggested that Themba should go back to Durban. 

“That’s when we knew it was the end of the affair. Themba went back to Durban but the problem is that his family didn’t welcome him with open arms,” said the source. 

Sunday Sun has learnt that Themba is currently staying with friends in Durban. A close friend in Durban said that Themba’s mum has always been against the relationship.

“She used to call Somizi and ask him to stay away from her son,” said the friend.

When Sunday Sun contacted Somizi, he said: “Yes, I have a boyfriend named Themba. I cannot comment on what you’re asking me. For more information you should go back to your source,” he said. 

Last week a reluctant Themba said:  “I’m not interested in what you are saying. I need to think long and hard before I can give you my answers.” – Sunday Sun

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Andile Ncube Officially Marries a “Recovering” Lesbian

(PIC) The gorgeous Ayanda Thabethe and hubby, Andile Ncube

(PIC) The gorgeous Ayanda Thabethe and hubby, Andile Ncube

One is a drop dead gorgeous “never-was” TV presenter who had a lesbian love affair with Boom Shaka’s Theo Nhlengethwa. Another is SABC sport presenter who is rumored to occasionally seek comfort in the arms of other men. Talk about a match made in heaven!!!

According to Sunday Sun, Andile Ncube is now legally off the bachelor list! The former Live presenter tied the knot with his model girlfriend, Ayanda Thabethe.

The two walked down the aisle yesterday in a community hall at Kempton Park, Joburg. The “not-so-lavish” wedding was attended by close friends and family.

Two days before the wedding, Andile tweeted to Ayanda: “It’s raining!!! @AyandaThabethe I hope ubungadleli ebhodweni,” meaning he hopes Ayanda was not eating from a pot.

It is a belief among blacks in Mzansi that if a bride-to-be eats from a pot, it will rain on her wedding day. 

A source said guests were asked not to tweet or post pictures of the wedding. “Ayanda enjoys being at home and does not like being in the media. They are very private,” the source said. 

The couple had a traditional wedding in Durban. – Sunday Sun

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DJ Warras and Tumi Voster Joins 5FM

DJ Warras, aka The Shady Lurker, has been fast–tracking his way into the hearts and homes of the public through his phenomenal boost in media exposure recently.

Fresh, witty, honest and sporting the hottest record case in the dance business, this DJ recently made the bold move to one of the country’s most prolific youth radio stations – 5FM.

With his long-standing co-host, Tumi Voster in tow, the two-some recently left YFM’s drive time to collectively fill in the 7-10pm slot on 5FM. The result is their energetic new show called The5thElement.

Tumi, a passionate young star in her own right, has been presenting alongside Warras for six years and the two have a quirky, firmly established relationship that brings out the best in each other on air.

Tim Zunckel, 5fm programme manager, had this to say about the new edition, “We are very excited, the 5FM brand always attracts top personalities who want to work on the biggest youth platform in the country. This is a perfect time for Warras to join and this will have the ability to take his career to the next level”.

Apart from his radio career, Warras is still hard at work presenting SABC1’s magazine show LiveAMP, as well as throwing events and parties around the country on a continual basis.

Already having been highly exposed in fashion and entertainment media, Warras has added several accolades to his CV, including being featured in the Cosmopolitan Sexiest Man calendar in 2012.

As a Dj, Warras sets himself above the rest with his ability to relate to any market. Together with his passion for music and people, his absolute drive to deliver the best has seen him catapult to household name status in a few short years.

Listen out for the initial broadcast of The5thElement on 5FM on the 5th May 2014.

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Cam and Thoba’s Public Gay Marriage Ends In Blood

(PIC) A once-married gay couple that left Africans in shock. It’s still unbeknown who’s the “man”

WHAT started out as love ended up in blood and tears! When Tshepo Sithole-Modisane and Thobajobe “Thoba” Sithole-Modisane tied the knot in KwaZulu-Natal last year it was all over the news.

But hardly a year after their wedding, the couple have split. After a big blow-up last month one of them moved out of the house. According to court  papers, Thoba assaulted Tshepo in their matrimonial house in Buccleuch, Joburg. 

Tshepo said in a statement that he arrived home on 27 March and Thoba started beating him up.

Said Tshepo: “He punched me in the mouth. He also bit my right thumb. The neighbours came to help me. I then went to the police and reported the matter. I opened a case of domestic violence.”

Tshepo further told the cops that after opening the case, he went to hospital. But it wasn’t the first time Thoba subjected him to brutal assault.

“In February 2013, he punched me. It happened again in June/July 2013. He hit me and smashed my head against the wall. I had to go to hospital.”  Tshepo said his head was stapled and he also sustained injuries to his mouth.

Tshepo said: “Thoba promised to change his ways but keeps abusing me.”

Despite opening a criminal case against Thoba, Tshepo also obtained a protection order against him. Tshepo wants the court to order Thoba to pay rent of R3 250 a month and also buy groceries. Thoba’s phone rang  unanswered this week. – Sunday Sun

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DA Announces Upgrade to Helen Zille’s House

The Democratic Alliance is thrilled to announce that the Western Cape Government will pay for a multi-million rand upgrade of Helen Zille’s private home in Rosebank, Cape Town.

Following the recent trend of public money being used for upgrades to private residences, Ms Zille is excited to see what this upgrade will do to the value of her family home, which is to be renamed ‘Amandla’.

The initial upgrade is planned for about R20 million, but according to Western Cape Finance Minister, Alan Winde, “everyone knows that these things often run way over budget, so the Western Cape Government has set aside R246 million for inevitable cost overruns”.

This project will include many of the latest “security features” to protect Ms Zille. The full details of the upgrade are classified, but the Project Manager for the upgrade, Mr Tell Us Nxesi, is able to confirm that Zille’s new home will include a “decontamination Jacuzzi”, a “security surveillance theatre”, an “underground safety gym”, and an “emergency helipad that will also serve as a tennis court”.

When quizzed about whether she thought the upgrades were defensible, Ms Zille responded: “I didn’t ask for these upgrades. I am the Premier, sure, but I don’t get involved in any actual decisions. I just work here.”

When asked how this upgrade would be paid for, given the other pressing social needs in the country, Mr Winde said “It doesn’t matter. The money must be found. We will make a plan. I mean, come on – this is for Helen!”

Mr Winde has said further that he was considering the “introduction of e-tolls in the Western Cape”. In an unguarded moment, he went on to say “we will obviously tell people that their money is being used to upgrade the roads and stuff”.

The ANC has responded to this news with outrage. ANC spokesperson Mr Jack Daniels Mthembu said that “there can only be one Number One. The DA thinks it can behave like a real government. But Zille is racist – we built Zuma’s palace in the rural areas where development is needed. The DA is building their palace in the city. We will be reporting this matter to the Public Protector for investigation”. – Banana Newsline

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**Article originally posted on Banana Newsline**

Happy 1st Birthday Lifestyle Tabloids!!!

Today officially marks 1 year since the inception of our [controversial] blog, and little did we know President Jacob Zuma would be amongst our loyal readers.

Before we knew it, Helen Zille followed suit, promptly followed by other prominent political figures across the globe, including Zimbabwe president Robert Mugabe and Ugandan president Yoweri Museveni. How we know this? They all threatened to sue “our pants off” for publishing satirical pieces about them!!

We have been dubbed Africa’s most powerful blog by virtue of attracting international readership from those occupying the seat of power [both in the corporate and government arena].

After all that has been said and done, the cross-continental viral posts, the drama, emotions and legal threats – America knows we exist! Europe knows we exist! Australia knows we exist! And the rest of Africa certainly knows we exist!

A year and millions of hits later – we sincerely thank YOU for your support!!!

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“I think Teko Modise Is Gay,” Says Ex-Fiancee Lizelle Tabane

(PIC) Teko Modise and ex-fiancee, Lizelle Tabane

(PIC) Teko Modise and ex-fiancee, Lizelle Tabane

MAMELODI Sundowns midfielder Teko Modise rediscovered his form on the field – but lost it between the sheets, so says ex-fiancee Lizelle Tabane.

She has dumped him like a used condom. Lizelle said Teko was not even doing his manly duties! She told the People’s Paper: “He always slept with his clothes on. And always passed out before doing anything. “At some point I even thought he was gay – because he cared more about his unemployed friends than his fiancee.” 

So the gatvol Lizelle packed her belongings and left Teko high and dry. Speaking to Sunday Sun, Lizelle said she left Teko’s house two weeks ago. She’s back with her parents in Pretoria.

In a frank interview with Sunday Sun, Lizelle said: “I’m done with him! I can’t pretend any more. I’m not staying in a place where I’m unhappy. 

“He kept chasing other girls – while he was committed to me. I don’t remember how many times we fought over this but he kept on doing the same thing.” 

She claimed: “He always came home from parties and strip clubs at 5am – after he got his form back. “I did everything a woman could to save our relationship. I treated him well but he repaid me with disrespect.”

Two weeks back, Lizelle was spotted at a top nightspot in Rosebank, Joburg – without her ring.

“I’ll never wear that ring because I’m no longer engaged. I never asked him to propose. “So I’ll just keep it as a gift to remind myself that I was once engaged,” she said. 

Lizelle made a commitment to Sunday Sun that she will never date anyone who is a public figure again. “I’m tired of these guys. They use a beautiful girl so they can attract more beautiful girls,” she said. 

Lizelle added: “He even asked me to have a baby with him but I said no. I couldn’t have a baby with someone who doesn’t take care of his own kids.” 

Lizelle said Teko’s family also dumped him. “His mum doesn’t want to be involved in his problems anymore. He doesn’t listen!” 

Teko’s manager Jazzman Mahlakgane, said: “I don’t manage Teko’s social life. Ask me about his performance on the soccer field.” When we called him Teko refused to comment. – Sunday Sun

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Tickets Go On Sale For The South African Music Awards (SAMA 20)

South African music lovers have the opportunity to experience all the glamour and drama of the 20th Annual South African Music Awards first-hand at the Sun City Superbowl on Monday, 28 April 2014.

Tickets are now on sale for the hotly contested main awards, which start at 20h30 on the public holiday that follows Freedom Day. Members of the public will be able to rub shoulders with all their favourite local music stars, take in a number of electrifying live performances and generally be part of all the SAMA 20 buzz, gossip and excitement on the night.

With the 20th edition of SAMA coinciding with the 20th anniversary of South Africa’s democracy, guests can expect a showstopper of an event that’s truly memorable. Booking is now open at Computicket.

Tickets in the public gallery are available at R355, with golden circle tickets priced at R435. A limited number of VIP passes for the awards ceremony, including pre-event drinks, are on sale at R620 per person. For those who wish to party up a storm after the awards ceremony draws to a close, tickets for the official Amstel after-party are available at R480 each.

For those who are unable to attend the awards, the SAMA 20 ceremony will be broadcast live on SABC1 from 20h30 on Monday, 28 April 2014.

The 20th South African Music Awards are organised by the Recording Industry of South Africa (RISA), and made possible with the generous support of official vehicle sponsor Kia Motors, official broadcast sponsor SABC1, event sponsor Sun International and Amstel Lager.

Come April the 28th, Sun City will definitely be the place to be for Mzansi’s finest to step out in their glad rags – so don’t miss out!

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Pistorious Lied To The Media: Report

(PIC) Murder accused paralympian Oscar Pistorius with his late girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp

(PIC) Murder accused paralympian Oscar Pistorius with his late girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp

Cape Town – After a harrowing week in court and being cross-examined in the dock, Oscar Pistorius has now also been accused of lying to the public by the Sunday Times newspaper.

According to the newspaper, Pistorius, who was desperate to protect his public image and his lucrative sponsorship deals, lied to cover up an assault in December 2012 and also lied about his relationship in January last year with Reeva Steenkamp.

The newspaper reports that exactly one month before he shot Steenkamp, he said in an interview that he was not ready for anything serious. However, it emerged in court this week that he had, at the time, been in a serious relationship with Steenkamp.

Meanwhile, around the same time a Sunday Times reporter was tipped off about an alleged assault involving Pistorius. Both Pistorius and Steenkamp denied that such an incident ever took place.

However, in court this week it emerged that Pistorius had in fact been involved in a brawl at a function in Kyalami. He had to get medical attention at Morningside Clinic following the incident.

At the time, Steenkamp also denied the incident and asked the journalist not to run with the story as it would ruin Pistorius’ image. The athlete’s sponsorship deals at the time were worth millions of rands and included contracts with international brands such as Nike and Oakley. – News24

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Julius Malema Trust Launched To Settle His SARS Bill

Johannesburg – A trust was launched on Wednesday to collect funds to settle EFF leader Julius Malema’s R16m SA Revenue Service (Sars) bill.

“The main motivation for the establishment of this entity is to settle the alleged tax bill that Julius Malema was recently slapped with… by Sars,” trust chairperson Mandisa Mashego said.

Mashego and four other trustees launched the trust, referred to as the JSM Trust, in Johannesburg.

The five trustees are all members of the Economic Freedom Fighters.
“Although we are EFF members, we are also independent individuals who have a right to participate in the activities of the country,” said Mashego.

The trust was formed in consultation with a team of professionals including qualified attorneys, accountants and tax practioners, who offered their services to the trust free of charge.

“This team… have [sic] been instrumental in providing trustees with the necessary direction and advice to ensure smooth management of all matters of the JSM Trust,” said Mashego.

She said the trust was set up to protect Malema and other individuals who were abused by the state, as they believed the Sars bill was being used as a mechanism to keep Malema out of the political arena.

“We are of the firm view that the case brought against Mr Malema has absolutely nothing to do with the allegation of him owing Sars taxes,” said Mashego.

“Instead, we are convinced that the real intention of these actions is to frustrate, silence and suspend the political activities of Malema, so that he is unable to claim his rightfully deserved place in participating in the political landscape of South Africa.” She said Sars first presented Malema with a bill of R4m in outstanding taxes, but that the amount escalated to R16m.

“Without any rational explanation or fair calculation… Sars went as far as escalating their initial bill from R4m to a whopping R16m,” said Mashego. The fund planned to collect the R16m by the end of April.

Mashego said the trust would run live from midnight on Wednesday. “We will collect money from the millions of sympathetic, ordinary God-fearing people of South Africa,” said Mashego.

Additional proceeds would go towards other citizens who might find themselves in very desperate situations. These included people who faced difficulties in the areas such as education, housing, and health.

Mashego said Malema was not directly involved in the operations of the trust, but he gave the trust permission to use his name.

In February this year, Malema was provisionally sequestrated by the North Gauteng High Court in Pretoria. According to court documents, Malema owed R16m plus interest after failing to submit tax returns between 2006 and 2010. – News24

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DA Apologises To ANC Over Nkandla SMS

(PIC) Mmusi Maimane tells the media the real truth, and nothing but the truth.

(PIC) Mmusi Maimane tells the media the real truth, and nothing but the truth.

JOHANNESBURG – The Democratic Alliance, through its spokesman Mmusi Maimane, issued an unconditional apology to the ANC over an SMS sent out to more than 1.6 million potential voters.

The questionable DA SMS read: “The Nkandla report shows how Zuma stole your money to build his R246m home. Vote DA on 7 May to beat corruption. Together for change.”

The ANC took the matter to the South Gauteng High Court, accusing the DA of violating the Electoral Act by distributing false information aimed at influencing the outcome of an election. The ANC wanted a follow-up SMS to be sent out with an apology or that the DA pay a R200 000 fine.

The ANC’s legal team contended that Public Protector Thuli Madonsela’s report on Nkandla found that the public works minister and his staff are a rather hopeless bunch, and that everybody involved in the construction of the homestead contributed to the scandal either through general incompetence, or by gainfully exploiting the general incompetence of others. Except, that is, for Number 1, who may just be absolved from all allegations of wilful corruption due to the good fortune of his own staggering ineptitude.

Even though the DA won the court case, the party finally conceded that the SMS was an blatant obfuscation of the facts. “We may have misread the report,” shrugged Maimane. “Thuli never specified that Jacob personally stole. She only said that he’s got a house paid for with money stolen by others.”

The main opposition party admitted that it unduly focussed on the wrong felony. “Although possession of stolen goods is a crime, we have to concede that it’s a crime different from the act of stealing,” explained Maimane.

Despite the apology, the ANC remains somewhat dismayed. “It was never about the apology,” cried spokesman Jackson Mthembu. “We were hoping to win the case with a judge ruling that a DA SMS claiming Zuma stole was false, thereby miraculously absolving Zuma of all allegations of wrongdoing or untoward benefit. Now we’ll have to explore other avenues to save Msholozi.”

To rectify their mistake, the DA will send out a new, more accurate SMS. According to Maimane, the updated SMS will read:

“The Nkandla report shows how Zuma is in possession of your money, stolen by his staff to build a R246m home for him. Vote DA on 7 May to beat corruption. Together for change.”

At present, the DA is planning to take the ANC to the South Gauteng High Court, on charges of violating the Electoral Act by distributing false information aimed at influencing the outcome of an election.

“Section 89 of the Electoral Act prohibits lying during election time,” repeated Maimane. “Jacob Zuma lied to us about Nkandla. We demand an apology, or that he pays a fine equal to his unlawful benefits.” - Banana Newsline

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**Article originally posted on Banana Newsline**

Mandla To Pay Papgeld Debt With Big Brother Mzansi Money

When Big Brother Mzansi winner Mandla Hlatshwayo woke up this morning, he was R1 million richer.

As he counts his blessings, he also has to do some counting of that prize money for papgeld.

“I am two months overdue on papgeld, so that is the first thing I must attend to before anything else,” said the 24-year-old spaza shop owner who has a girlfriend and child outside the show.

Mandla, who’s been a firm fan favourite with the majority of the viewers, controversially set viewers’ screens alight when he and fellow housemate Lexi had a dalliance in the shower on national television. Both went into the house respectively attached.

“I honestly struggled to start a relationship with Lexi,” said the recent millionaire upon being questioned about the affair.

“Had I been stronger, I would have stayed in the house with the intention of trying to fix things [with my girlfriend]. The more time you have to yourself, you get to reflect on things that have happened before and how things were when you left.

We’d broken up before and gotten back together. It just so happens that it occurred the last time just before I entered the Big Brother house.”

Mandla, however, has no regrets and has no immediate plans with regards to his future.

When probed further about his relationship with Lexi, he divulged that a coffee date is on the horizon to determine if there was a future for them.

One certainty in his life right now is his child’s future and how secure it will be thanks to his stint in the Big Brother Mzansi house. – Sowetan LIVE

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Another Addition To President Jacob Zuma’s “Female Fleet”

(PIC) President Jacob Zuma’s “female fleet”

South African President Jacob Zuma has found love in Namibia and wedding bells are expected before the end of the year.

This was confirmed yesterday by his spokesperson, Mac Maharaj, who said that Zuma had been very impressed with the beauty of Namibian women during his State visit in November last year.

Namibian Sun first heard the news of Zuma’s Namibian romantic entanglement from a Namibian government source and then called Maharaj, who was very open about it.

“I can confirm that Zuma’s relatives are in an advanced stage of negotiations with the family of a young lady from the Omaheke Region. She is 29 years old and is the epitome of Namibian beauty. President Zuma is very excited about the upcoming nuptials,” said Maharaj.

Asked which tribe the woman is from Maharaj answered: “She is Ovaherero and the negotiations around the bride price are at a very sensitive stage. She is a very educated woman and the family wants a significant number of cattle.”

Zuma and the young lady apparently met in Windhoek after an official engagement during his two-day stay in Namibia last year.

Maharaj said all the arrangements for the wedding, which will be Zuma’s seventh, are expected to be concluded within the next few months.

The wedding ceremony will be held at the controversial Nkandla homestead in Zuma’s home province of KwaZulu-Natal at the end of November.

Nkandla – or at least the South African government spending N$246 million to upgrade it – has been at the heart of calls recently for Zuma to resign.
However, he has been defiant, saying that he did nothing wrong and was not the one who okayed the lavish upgrade, which included a chicken run, visitors’ centre, cattle kraal, swimming pool and amphitheatre, which Zuma has been asked by South Africa’s Public Protector to pay for.

He has refused to pay a cent, saying that government officials are to blame. Zuma’s Namibian bride will be moving to Nkandla, joining four of Zuma’s wives who live there, Maharaj told Namibian Sun yesterday. “We are eager to welcome Zuma’s new Namibian wife to South Africa and we believe that she will be happy here.

“Her arrival will not mean any improvements or further upgrades to the homestead. There is more than enough space for her family, if and when they come visit her in the future,” Maharaj added. – Namibian Sun

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SAMA 20 Nominees

Album of the Year

• DJ Kent for The Weekent
• Mafikizolo for Reunited
• Mi Casa for Su Casa
• Naima Kay for Umsebenzi
• Nakhane Touré for Brave Confusion

Duo or Group of the Year

• Gangs of Ballet for Yes/No/Grey
• GoodLuck for Creatures of the Night
• Mafikizolo for Reunited
• Mi Casa for Su Casa
• The Parlotones for Stand Like Giants

Female Artist of the Year

• Dear Reader for Rivonia
• Judith Sephuma for The Experience Live in Concert
• Naima Kay for Umsebenzi
• Rebecca for Bayos’Khomba
• Zahara for Phendula

Male Artist of the Year

• Connell Cruise for Connell Cruise
• Kabomo for Memory Remains
• Matthew Mole for The Home We Built
• Nakhane Touré for Brave Confusion
• Vusi Mahlasela for Sing to the People

Newcomer of the Year

• Gangs Of Ballet for Yes/No/Grey
• iFani for I Believes in Me (1st. Quadrant)
• MuzArt for MuzArt
• Naima Kay for Umsebenzi
• Nakhane Touré for Brave Confusion

Best Rock Album

• Gangs of Ballet for Yes/No/Grey
• Shadowclub for Goodbye Wild Child
• The Black Cat Bones for Beatipiller
• The Parlotones for Stand Like Giants
• Van Coke Kartel for Bloed, Sweet & Trane

Best Pop Album

• Danny K for Good Look
• GoodLuck for Creatures of the Night
• LCNVL for Faster Longer Mixtape
• Mafikizolo for Reunited
• Matthew Mole for The Home We Built

Beste Pop Album (Afrikaans)

• 4Werke for 4 Harte
• Charlize Berg for Charlize Berg
• JAY for Dis Hoe Ons Rol
• Karlien van Jaarsveld for Uitklophou
• Kurt Darren for Seerower

Best Adult Contemporary Album

• Connell Cruise for Connell Cruise
• Farryl Purkiss for Home
• Hinds Brothers for Ocean of Milk
• Michael Lowman for Crayon Boxes
• Shaun Jacobs for Love Can

Beste Kontemporêre Musiek Album

• Ampie for Niks en Niemand
• Andriëtte for Wat Rym met Liefde
• Bok van Blerk for Steek Die Vure Aan
• Elvis Blue for Afrikaans
• Jak de Priester for N1 van My Hart

Best African Adult Album

• Naima Kay for Umsebenzi
• Selaelo Selota for The Promise
• Vusi Mahlasela for Sing to the People
• Zama Jobe for Thula Mntwana
• Zonke for Give and Take Live

Best Alternative Album

• Chris Letcher for Hyperbalist
• Dear Reader for Rivonia
• Death by Misadventure for dump dump
• Die See for II
• Nakhane Touré for Brave Confusion

Best R&B/Soul/Reggae Album

• Kabomo for Memory Remains
• MuzArt for MuzArt
• The Soil for Reflections Live in Joburg
• Vusi Nova for Walk into Light
• Zahara for Phendula

Best Rap Album

• AB Crazy for Home Coming
• iFani for I Believes in Me (1st. Quadrant)
• Kwesta for DaKAR
• L-Tido for All of Me
• Molemi for A Sia

Best Kwaito Album

• Alaska for The Revival
• Big Nuz for Made in Africa
• Character for Self-Control
• Mandoza for Sgantsontso
• Tzozo for Amabills

Best Dance Album

• DJ Kent for The Weekent
• Lulo Café for Soul Africa
• Mi Casa for Su Casa
• Uhuru for Our Father
• Zakes Bantwini for The Fake Book & Real Book: My Music Bible

Best Traditional Faith Music Album

• Andile KaMajola for Chapter 6. ujehova ungibiyele
• Deborah for Umqhele
• Lusanda Spiritual Group for Uhambo Lwam
• Rebecca for Bayos’Khomba
• Worship House for Project 10 Live in Limpopo, RSA

Best Contemporary Faith Music Album

• Benjamin Dube for Renewal in His Presence with Benjamin Dube
• Judith Sephuma for The Experience Live in Concert
• Nqubeko Mbatha for Sentiments of a Worshiper
• Soweto Gospel Choir for Divine Decade & Friends
• We Will Worship for YHWH

Best Traditional Album

• Hennie de Bruyn en die Kitaarkêrels for Kitaar Kwêla
• Joe Shirimani na Vana va Ndoda for Hawu Ra Mina
• PS. Manyike Na Vatirhi Va Hosi for Taduma e Kerekeni
• Sayicology for Round 2
• Dr. Thomas Chauke Na Shinyori Sisters for Shimatsatsa No 32

Best Maskandi Album

• Amabunjwa for X6
• Buselaphi for Gijima Ntuthwane
• Khwelebhasini for Ngiyistress
• Phuzekhemisi for Kungakho Nilwa Nodwa
• Thokozani Langa for Inyakanyaka

Best Jazz Album

• Marcus Wyatt Quartet for One Life in the Sun
• Shane Cooper for Oscillations
• Sisa Sopazi for Images & Figures
• Tumi Mogorosi for Project Elo
• Zim Ngqawana for Live at the Cape Town International Jazz Festival

Best Classical and/or Instrumental Album

• Cape Consort for Claudio Monteverdi – Selected Madrigals
• Guy Buttery for Live in KwaZulu
• Ockie Vermeulen for Obsession
• Tygerberg Children’s Choir for Glorious
• Zanne Stapelberg & Kathleen Tagg for Soul of Fire

Best Live DVD

• Nataniël for Factory
• Skouspel 2013 for Skouspel 2013
• The Soil for Reflections Live in Joburg
• Unathi for An Intimate Night with Unathi
• Zonke for Give and Take Live

Best Collaboration

• DJ Kent Ft The Arrows for Spin My World Around
• LCNVL Ft Lakota Silva for Closer
• Mafikizolo Ft May D for Happiness
• The Parlotones, Khuli Chana & Jon Savage for Sleepwalker
• Uhuru Ft Oskido, Professor & DJ Bucks – Y-tjukutja

Best Music Video of the Year

• Goldfish for One Million Views
• Mi Casa for Jika
• The Muffinz Umsebenzi Wendoda (An Ode to Single Mothers)
• The Parlotones, Khuli Chana & Jon Savage for Sleepwalker
• Toya Delazy for Memoriam

Best Producer of the Year

• Danny K for Good Look by Danny K
• Darryl Torr for Yes/No/Grey by Gangs of Ballet
• David Poole & Dominic Peters for Three Second Memory by Goldfish
• Dan Roberts for Border Crossing by Laurie Levine
• Shaun Jacobs for Love Can by Shaun Jacobs

Best Engineer of the Year

• Peter Auret for Pimp My Piano by Charl du Plessis
• Darryl Torr for Yes/No/Grey by Gangs of Ballet
• Matthew Fink for The Home We Built by Matthew Mole
• Matthew Fink for Goodbye Wild Child by Shadowclub
• Shaun Jacobs for Love Can by Shaun Jacobs

Remix of the Year

• Euphonik for Hallelujah Anyway
• Khuli Chana for Hape (Part 2)
• Mi Casa for Jika
• Oskido for Tsa Ma Ndebele
• Uhuru for Thath’isghubu

The SAMA 20 awards ceremony will
take place exactly 20 years later, on 28 April 2014, at the Sun City Superbowl.

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Uganda And Nigeria Top Google’s List Of Gay Porn Searchers

We see this story play out all too common in our society where the people who are most vocal about being anti-gay end up exposed to be homosexuals.

The connection between homophobia and suppressed homosexuality, has often been attributed to the notion that homosexual desires, when shut out because of some sense of shame, can easily express themselves as a form of homophobia.

It should come as no surprise that two countries on the continent that have sought to victimize people for their homosexuality turns out to be the most curious and active when it comes to gay porn on the internet.

NB: This article contains reference to content of an adult nature. Discretion is Advised.

Recently, Google published statistics listing the countries with the greatest number of searches for gay porn on the web and found Uganda ranked third, behind Kenya and Pakistan.

According to The Guardian, though Uganda recently passed legislation imposing lifetime imprisonment for homosexuality, the country continues to be among those with the highest number of internet searches for gay pornography.

In an all too familiar paradox of the forbidden fruit syndrome, Roger Ross Williams, director of the award-winning documentary God Loves Uganda, told the Huffington Post he believes the more government tries to repress sex and sexuality, the more it will continue to flourish underground.

An earlier report by the Huffington Post also revealed that Nigeria has a high number of frequent searches for gay pornography on the internet.

According to the Huffington Post, Nigerians in high volume search the internet everyday for ‘gay sex pics’ and ‘anal sex pics’, despite the country’s stand against homosexuality and outright ban on gay marriage.

While one can not conclusively say that the high number of gay porn searches on the net is reflective of country’s gay community, it is rather curious to know that even with strict repressive laws, these countries have failed to quell, if you may, the existence of homosexual interests.

Is just a result of curiosity or out-right hypocrisy by these countries? Is this a case of ‘we hate in others what we truly hate in ourselves’? – Phil Mphela

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Khanyi Mbau Sex Dolls To Go On SALE!!!

Khanyi Mbau once leaked nude pictures of herself on the net - and pretended otherwise.

Khanyi Mbau once leaked nude pictures of herself on the net – and pretended otherwise.

CAPE TOWN – A company in Johannesburg has found a new way for men to have sex with Khanyi Mbau, without having to be filthy rich and driving a Lamboghini.

The Khanyi Mbau sex dolls, designed to recreate the appearance, texture, and weight of Mzansi’s self-proclaimed Queen of Bling herself, rival humans in both look and feel, with accurate anatomical functions of female genitals, complete with body hair.

These realistic-looking dolls’ private features are said to be the closest thing a man (or woman) can experience to being with the real Khanyi Mbau.

Manufacturers of the Khanyi Mbau sex dolls claim to have contacted this former sugar-daddy magnet to make the exact mold of her private parts, then recreate them using soft, realistic silicon. These are then installed on life-sized dolls for a realistic look and feel.

Linda Zwane, founder and president of the Khanyi Mbau sex dolls, said that he came up with the idea after being rejected by Miss Mbau because of being poor.

“Where else can a man experience the pleasure of being with Khanyi Mbau without the financial burdens associated with dating a girl like her?,” asks Zwane.

Linda also said that since the dolls are basically like any item any person can buy, it is legal in any province.

“You can go to any toy shop and buy Barbie or Spider Man, well these dolls are non-living, and just like any toy, they can be bought at a fee without breaking any law,” he adds.

Khanyi Mbau life-sized, realistic sex dolls will be available for purchase at popular brothels around Cape Town, Durban and Johannesburg from April.

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Uganda Child Rape Festival Officially Launches

(PIC) Ugandan State Minister for Ethic & Integrity Reverend Simon Lokodo

(PIC) Ugandan State Minister for Ethic & Integrity Reverend Simon Lokodo

Kampala – The inaugural Child Rape Festival was officially launched this morning by State Minister for Ethics & Integrity, Rev. Simon Lokodo.

The festival, which will see girls as young as two-months-old being helplessly raped “the natural way”, has been unanimously welcomed by the parliament as it upholds Ugandan Christian principles, as opposed to two consenting adults engaging in homosexual sex.

Cutting the ribbon to formally declare this month-long event as opened, the beaming Rev. Simon Lokodo said the festival couldn’t have come at a better time.

“Men raping young girls has been a long standing tradition in Uganda, a tradition we are very proud of and wish to uphold with the greatest of honour,” Lokodo told reporters.

“Heterosexual rape is morally superior to consensual gay sex. It is men raping girls, which is natural… Raping the evil demons out of the girls will ensure that none of them turns lesbian, otherwise they will be jailed for life. So it is win-win for everyone,” Rev. Simon Lokodo went on to say.

Under the tagline “God Loves Child Rapists – Not Homosexuals”, the festival will present an array of child rape activities which will see the winner being awarded a “Yoweri Prize” for the most rapes, consisting of a diamond encrusted trophy named after Ugandan president, Yoweri Museveni.

Speaking to reporters, men in Uganda say they are already beginning to celebrate this “very innovative” way to “cure the gay epidemic” proliferating across the African continent.

“I have one advice for every man gunning for the Yoweri trophy; You are wasting your time…. I remain the undisputed serial child rapist in Uganda… The trophy shall be mine,” warned 43-year-old Keke Agaba, who claims that his rape victims are in their thousands.

29-year-old Israel Kaboggoza jumped in to say;

“I’m going to get the most rapes this year. I’ve been practicing all year by raping my sister and her friends every day. I will be rape superstar number one! I will get the Yoweri Prize this year for sure!”

Uganda is willing to give up all international aid in favor of its new Child Rape Festival, which makes it legally, morally and religiously acceptable to rape a girl-child as opposed to condoning homosexuality, which the country deem to be an “unnatural” act.

“We will not shy away from this, we want to rid this country of homosexuality and if that means these people – Obama, Hague, you name them – want to stop their aid then let them,” Simon Lokodo was quoted as saying.

“Homosexuality cannot be accommodated in our culture. We have taken that position as a government and prefer child rape because this is a democratic country and it is what the people want.”

Following the controversial anti-gay bill which was recently passed last week, the World Bank announced that it would suspended a 60 million new loan for health services in Uganda. Denmark, The Netherlands and Norway have all frozen aid to President Yoweri Museveni’s government. Washington is “reviewing its relationship” with Uganda over the law, which John Kerry, the US Secretary of State, compared to Nazism and apartheid.

Rev. Simon Lokodo further added that “these Western people – Obama, Kerry – they are married to women, yet they want to tell us our men should marry men. If that is so important, why does Obama not marry a man?

“Do not come into my house and tell me how to live, what food to cook, what to do, as I do not come to your house and tell you what to do. I would much rather rape a girl than kiss another man. At least that would be the natural way of having sex”.

President Yoweri Museveni could not respond on whether he would equally assign scientists to establish what makes a person heterosexual or whether there is such a thing as a heterosexual gene, the same way he did when trying to establish what makes a person homosexual. The UK ended all its direct budget support to the Ugandan government last year.

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End Of The Road For Glen Lewis And Unathi

Unathi Msengana has been painted as a Xhosa dragon lady that can't work with anyone

Unathi Msengana has been painted as a Xhosa dragon lady that can’t work with anyone

THEY were the perfect couple! But now it looks as if a professional “divorce” is looming for The Avenue Metro FM breakfast show co-presenters.

DJ Glen Lewis and Unathi Msengana might no longer work together when the new line-up is announced. This because the two don’t see eye-to-eye.
 
A senior staff member at the station told Sunday Sun that they might be separated. The highly-placed source said Glen is not happy to work with Unathi.
 
“He feels Unathi patronises him,” the source told Sunday Sun.
 
Our source also claims that the legendary DJ had lodged a complaint in the past but was told his contract bound him to work with Unathi.
 
This allegedly happened after Glen officially requested to be removed from the breakfast team in 2012.
 
Apparently, he was told that his contract ends this year.
 
The source added: “Glen is not someone who has issues with people. He is a peaceful guy who minds his own business.”
 
A producer at Metro FM said things are tense in the studio.
 
“The sad part is that Unathi won’t have The Avenue show to herself. If Glen is out, it means she’ll have to go somewhere else,” said the producer.
 
According to the producer, Glen has no problem with Unathi as an individual – because he regards her as a lovely person.
 
“But Glen feels Unathi antagonises everyone. He feels that she is rude to the listeners.
 
“And even the marketing team feels that Unathi is too much,” added the producer who wished to remain anonymous.
 
Sunday Sun tried to speak to the two DJs but was told both of them were in rehearsals and their phones were off. The Sun Team was referred to Metro FM’s spokeswoman Happy Ngidi.
 
Ngidi said: “As far as I know, there are no issues. They both come a very long way as a team.” – Sunday Sun

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BREAKING NEWS: Gay Lover ‘OUTS’ Ugandan President – The Bill Is Just A Cover-Up!!!

A Havard University Scientist confirmed that Yoweri Museveni's eyes are that of a downlow gay man

A Havard University Scientist confirmed that Yoweri Museveni’s eyes are that of a downlow gay man

Cape Town – In just a day following the passing of the controversial anti-homosexuality bill in Uganda, a young man has come forward claiming to be president Yoweri Museveni’s gay lover.

The 28 year old male model from Sea Point, Cape Town, has passed a series of lie-detector tests with flying colors, this after a Ugandan law agency in South Africa painted him as “an attention seeking lier who wants to ruin, discredit and compromise the dignity and credibility of their president”.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, the young man claims to have met the Ugandan president one summer evening in Cape Town, where he was working as a waiter.

“I was part of the hospitality team hosting presidential delegates at the Cape Town International Convention Centre after the official opening of the national parliament held earlier that day. Myself, and two more waiters were serving a table where Yoweri and other dignitaries were seated for the evening,” the young man said.

He claims that after serving desserts, president Yoweri Museveni complimented him on his impeccable waiting skills and said his upcoming hotel business could do with a waiter like him.

“He gave me his business card and insisted that I should send him my CV before he leaves for Uganda, which I promptly forwarded the following morning. Hardly an hour post emailing him my CV, I received a call from him requesting to meet me at the One&Only hotel to discuss my job prospects at length.

“We met at Vista bar which is situated inside the hotel, but we decided to go seat on the patio. After a few drinks, he told me that he could see that I’m gay, and that he liked me. To date, my job prospects were never discussed,” the young man elaborated.

After one too many drinks, the sexy male model claims that they decided to move the meeting to president Yoweri Museveni’s hotel suite as the sea breeze was getting a tad too cold. Upon their arrival, the horny president couldn’t keep his hands to himself, and the two shared a night of passion.

The young man claims that that was the beginning of a bling life, as the Ugandan president would often bankroll him and frequently fly down to Cape Town to have sex with him and shower him with expensive gifts.

Shockingly, the young man was able to backup his allegations with hard-core proof; from president Yoweri Museveni’s business cards, to private email communication between the two and bank statements showing EFT payments, all confirmed to be valid by a South African forensic unit.

Jetline Auto Dealers have also confirmed the purchase of a black BMW Z4 by one Yoweri Museveni, fitting the exact description of a sleek convertible the young man is currently driving.

“I am very disheartened to learn that he passed a bill that could see people like him being jailed for life, grossly discriminated against and even murdered for being who they are. I don’t understand why he did it, but can only assume that he’s using it as a cover-up to hide who he truly is.

“Most prominent politicians and business people use the same cheap tactics. They get married and have kids as an umbrella, while having young boys as side-dishes. But Yoweri has crossed the line.

“This is such a low blow to me as his lover, and to the African gay community at large. He’s not taking my calls and is ignoring my SMS’es and emails.

“If he’s ok with seeing gay people rot in jail for choosing who they love, then the police should start with him,” lamented the teary gay model.

Uganda’s new anti-homosexuality law punishes gay sex with up to life in jail. The bill originally proposed the death penalty for “aggravated homosexuality”, defined as repeated gay sex between consenting adults and acts involving a minor, a disabled person or where one partner is infected with HIV. First-time offenders also face life in jail.

The new law also creates the offenses of “conspiracy to commit homosexuality” as well as “aiding and abetting homosexuality,” both of which are punishable with a seven-year jail term. Those convicted of “promoting homosexuality” face similar punishment.

John Kerry, US Secretary of State, stated that the signing of the anti-gay bill by the Ugandan president marked a tragic day for Uganda and for all who care about the cause of human rights. He warned that Washington could strongly consider cutting aid to the government of this East African nation.

The Red Pepper tabloid published the names and pictures of alleged homosexuals in a front-page story under the headline: “EXPOSED!”
A prominent Ugandan gay activist, David Kato, was killed after that list came out, and activists said at the time that they believed he was targeted because of his work promoting gay rights in Uganda.

In signing the bill, Museveni said the measure is needed because the West is promoting homosexuality in Africa, rejecting international criticism of the law as interference in Uganda’s internal affairs. Museveni accused “arrogant and careless Western groups” of trying to recruit Ugandan children into homosexuality.

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Top Politicians To Feature On The Marie Claire Mid-Year Naked Issue

(PIC) A sneak preview on what South Africans can expect on the upcoming naked politicians issue

(PIC) A sneak preview on what South Africans can expect on the upcoming naked politicians issue

Johannesburg – Following a very successful celebrity campaign that really got South Africans drooling, Marie Claire has decided to push the envelope a notch up by announcing a mid-year naked issue that will feature prominent politicians.

To be launched just before the forthcoming national polls, the Marie Claire politicians issue will see ten of the country’s most powerful political figures stripping naked to raise money for The Lunchbox Fund, a non-profit organisation dedicated to providing a daily meal for orphaned or vulnerable school children in disadvantaged areas around South Africa.

“This year the Marie Claire naked issue was pushed from its state of oblivion thanks to Boity Thulo’s most talked about behinds. Admittedly, most South Africans never even knew the naked issue existed only until recently,” said Marie Claire editor, Aspasia Karras.

“Whilst the iron is still hot, we have decided to utilize this new found fame as effectively as possible by introducing a very special issue featuring politicians. This, we believe, will get even more tongues wagging.

“Will people gawking over naked celebrities help feed a hungry child? Well, that’s another topic for another day,” Aspasia added.

Amongst key politicians that will bare it all for a good cause is DA leader, Helen Zille, who couldn’t hide her excitement and has already done a few preliminary shots for the glossy magazine.

“I was pleasantly surprised when Marie Claire approached an old geezer like me for their campaign. Being a regular at Sandy Bay nude beach, being kaalgat in public is second nature to me,” laughed Helen Zille.

Other politicians will include Jacob Zuma, Julius Malema, Gwede Mantashe, and Mamphele Ramphele to name but a few.

Presidential spokesperson, Mac Maharaj, has confirmed Jacob Zuma’s involvement in the project, sighting that although Msholozi was not too kosher about the use of a shower backdrop at the shoot, he’s “a proud Zulu man who is used to being almost-naked in front of millions in his traditional Zulu attire”.

Julius Malema, on the other hand, is said to have welcomed creative suggestions which includes posing nude next to a SARS banner reading “Pay Your Tax Or We Will Strip You Naked”.

Dr. Mamphela Ramphele will pose holding a Guinness World Record trophy engraved “Moomish Of The Year”.

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BREAKING NEWS: ANC Prostitutes Deployed In Tembisa

(PIC) Controversial ANC prostitutes showing what their Mamas gave them

(PIC) Controversial ANC prostitutes showing what their Mamas gave them

Ekurhuleni – The first batch of ladies commissioned for “Vote ANC & Get A FREE Prostitute” election campaign were deployed to work at an ANC rally held at Makhulong Stadium in Tembisa.

Chaos, drools and erections became the order of the day as the six prostitutes paraded across the stadium wearing the skimpiest “bum shorts” printed ANCYL.

Election Erections

The prostitutes, aged between 14 to 21 years, were seen flirting with male and lesbian supporters as they handed out ANC leaflets. One prostitute was quoted as saying; “Vote for ANC and you can have all of this thickness…”

It is alleged that another batch of prostitutes were deployed to “steal” support from EFF rally held at Mehlareng Stadium, also in Tembisa.

Jackson Mthembu and other top ANC officials could not be reached for comment.

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Jacob Zuma, Helen Zille Puppet Porn Movie To Go Ahead As Planned

(PIC) Doggie-style footage from “Sleeping With The Enemy” puppet porn movie

Put your shower caps on Mzansi, Top TV’s porn channel may soon produce a movie centered around a cast of characters that are aspirational role models for a generation of whom sex, race and tenderpreneurship has become a core value.

Targeted towards 18+ year olds, “Sleeping With The Enemy” is a fresh, contemporary take on what it is to be a politician today, infused with music and the all-important notion of democracy in today’s political world.

It follows the journey of Helen Zille, a spirited young woman with an endearing voice and an unending desire to join politics. When Helen meets her soon-to-be ex husband, Jacob Zuma, her life changes forever. A new world of power, corruption and polygamy is revealed, consequently leading to an explosive divorce battle of all time.

Helen attends Fezeka’s funeral, a broken woman who turned lesbian and later took her own life after a gruesome rape ordeal in the hands of Jacob, Helen’s former husband. At the cemetery, she meets lesbian couple Patricia and Lindiwe, who are seething with vengeance following their close friend’s suicide. With Jacob Zuma being their mutual enemy, the three are bound together by their common goal to unseat him from power. This sees the birth of DA, a political party that soon becomes a force to be reckoned with.

The puppet porn movie opens dirty sexual mysteries of Mzansi’s two most favourite politicians. Steamy sexual encounters between Helen and Jacob creates an outstanding mix of sleaze, adventure and comedy, with Jacob constantly taking a shower after each session to wash off AIDS.

“We want to combine the feel of cartoon with modern twists on an unprecedented scale. Our team has been working tremendously hard to once again delight voters with a new way to experience these two loveable characters. The show will have a wide audience appeal,” said esteemed local porn movie producer, Tau Morena, who also founded popular porn site Sondeza.com.

There will be a total of 13 “Sleeping With The Enemy” episodes spanning until May the 7th. No South African TV channel has been announced so far, although an insider at Top TV confirmed that talks between the porn channel and puppet movie producer are currently underway.

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